Things I Hate

I like to think of myself as a very happy person, however there are a lot of things that really tend to drive me bananas (mmmm, yummy bananas) I don’t really think I like anything but food. I can just eat all day and not get full. It’s the craziest thing! Like God gave me this gift to be able to taste everything and not get full from it– lucky me?

Things I hate:

– people who chew with their mouths open

– people who chew with their mouths closed, but still chewing so loudly it sounds like there’s an orchestra in there

– skinny people

– skinny people who eat whatever they want, with their mouths open, or closed making orchestra noises

– I also hate the metro. It’s always so hot in there, and I come out looking like a disaster from a rough night. I’m not sure if I always come out of there so sweaty because I’m pleasantly plump or because it’s actually hot– no one in there looks as disheveled as me.

– Speaking of disheveled, I also hate the face my Jewish Mother gives me when she doesn’t approve of my outfit. Like last week, I thought I’d be all hip and trendy and try out this really cool red lipstick, like all the cool skinny girls are doing, I want to be cool too, right? So I bust out the red lipstick. I pair this lipstick with an all black outfit. Oops, I’m clumsy, spilled some coffee on my shirt on the way there.

So our cars pull up next to each other and she gives me this “oh no you did not wear that face” , I give her the “oh yes I did face”… the fight begins. She tells me I have red lipstick all over my face. She approaches, and notices the minor coffee stain on my shirt, and offers me a freshly cleaned shirt in the backseat of her car– “UM HELLO, I LIKE MY OUTFIT, SHE’S WEARING A BASEBALL CAP, WHO WEARS BASEBALL CAPS”

Anyway, typical fat daughter, skinny mother story?

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