I Need To Burb


Waking up from surgery, I see ten nurses around me- poking me, sticking things up my nose and putting stickers all over my body. My mouth is so dry due to the fact that they decided to stick a crazy long tube into my throat to help me breathe. I start licking the air but I can’t control myself. The fat girl inside me, screams for a diet coke… Apparently the nurse didn’t want to give me diet coke, so he gave me ice chips. That’s cool too I guess.

I was reading online about how I would feel after surgery. A lot of websites mentioned that I would be gassy, however, for the first time in my life I feel like I had the opposite effect. Nothing would come out! I immediately thought something went wrong so I called the nurse over and politely asked him to burp me. Yes, that is correct, burp me. Like a baby. He gave me this puzzled look; the one my mom usually gives when I wear red lipstick, then raises my bed and starts burping me like a newborn child. After one minute of that amazing massage, the most amazing burp of life came out and a big smile came on my face. Who new gas could make someone so happy? The doctor came out to see how I was doing and all I could say was that I wanted my mommy. Those words exactly.

When I was finally able to be released from the recovery room, I was so excited to get wheeled into my fancy private room! Little did I know Ronnie Ginger and Donald Chow were waiting to greet me with hugs and kisses. Ronnie even thought it would be appropriate to videotape the whole entrance into the room thing on her iPhone. She’s so technologically advanced! Throughout the first evening, my support crew of Donald and Ronnie decided it would be funny to laugh at me because I was so needy, and even compared me to Grandma Gillian during her hospital stays. Rude. (Sorry Grammy!)

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