Closet Eater


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It’s time to get serious. I don’t care if I embarrass myself or my family, but being a fat kid is never easy, and I truly believe that discussing the issues I faced as a child and young adult will be freeing as I wash this negative fat girl out of my system.

Growing up, our parents will sometimes say, “don’t eat this” , “this is bad for your skin” or something along the lines of “if you eat this you’re going to get fat and get pimples”. I loved all food. I loved to eat sweet things, and anything covered in chocolate. I liked pizza, even chocolate covered pizza – I would eat it all. By the time I had hit my heaviest, I was spending all my hard earned video store money on pharmacy bought junk food and hiding McDonalds bags under my bed. I would go to some corner store, and buy whatever had the least amount of wrapper, and which ever was the biggest bang for my buck. I’d buy those $8 chocolate bars, that would last a normal person at least three days, and hide the wrappers in a purse; which my mother would find less than 72 hours later and yell at me for it. I was never allowed to eat cheese, so I would buy a pack of  10 cheese string, and eat them all before my mom could notice that I would have them. I was ballooning, and played stupid and told myself that I didn’t know why this was happening. Dr. Mommy Ronnie Ginger diagnosed me with a rare disorder and told me that I was a closet eater. She did have a point: in front of people, I would never eat, but behind closed doors, everyday was a free for all with anything I could find.

When sneaking out of the house to buy food wasn’t an option, I would make what ever gross concoction I was able to come up with. I think once I microwaved a potato, put some processed cheese on it and crumbled a fish stick on it. I was only eating because someone told me not to. My mom also asked me to brush my hair everyday when I was a kid, I never did that. No one listens to their parents when they’re that age.

I felt deprived because my entire life the good food would be hidden from me. I always had to order a salad instead of a cheeseburger. I had to get the fat free Italian dressing on the side when everyone else had a ceasar salad with extra dressing. I wasn’t allowed bread.

I always felt bad that I never listened to my mom. I just felt like she was singling me out and wanted me to be the different one from the other kids. I always assumed I was being picked on when really she was just looking out for me. I guess I learned my lesson!

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2 thoughts on “Closet Eater

  1. I find this really interesting because I have read many posts that read similarly to yours today. I wonder if many people become obese because they are simply forbidden from eating certain foods. I often worry that kids of friends of mine will one day become obese because their parents are so obsessed with the food they can’t eat, rather than teaching them moderation. I never had an issue with food until my parents started telling me not to eat certain things.

  2. I know that the more my family reprimanded me about food, the more I would eat. My step father always limited the amount of food I could have, but my brothers could do as they please. When he went to bed I would sneak out of my room and eat more. I remember doing this all the way back to Kindergarten. My grandmother would always try to feed me carrots and never listened to what I wanted, even if it wasn’t that bad. Then I would end up eating carrots AND whatever I originally desired. I know that family means well, but sometimes their good will leads to even worse behaviour. Obviously, I regret it all now. At least we are on track to teaching ourselves how to eat healthy!

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