I’ve always wanted to be a chef. Sometimes I see myself in the kitchen, and I want to wear a chef hat and apron, and I want to sprinkle a dash of salt on things and yell at my sous chef. (Which I don’t have, but I can dream, right?). Needless to say, I am not a chef, however, in the past I have made some lovely culinary experiments.
I’m about to get nasty. Like seriously nasty. While making my delicious dinner last night, I was thinking about all the disgusting concoctions Not Healthy Hillary would make. Seriously, now that I think of these things, it’s utterly disgusting and I had some serious issues.
Not as appetizing as you may think. I took a potato, raw. Sliced in half and microwaved it until the potato exploded into a million pieces all over the microwave. Once mushy, I then took some margarine. Well not some, a lot, and smeared it all over the potato. Once melted, I then took two pieces of Kraft cheese, put that hot potato back in the microwave and then took it out when it was nice and gooey. Best eaten while sitting under your desk in your room so no one can find you.
Just as disgusting as it sounds. Yup, you heard it here first. I would take Cheerios, then peanut butter. Mush them together and then I would have Cheerio Mush! Much messier than regular cereal, and also super fattening because I decided to use Honey Nut Cheerios, and not just the regular healthy one.
Ramen Noodle Surprise:
I love Ramen noodles. They’re best served soggy, or even dry, but they’re all around just a delicious snack. I would take Ramen Noodles and then mix them with Soya Sauce, and mix some scrambled egg in there and some chicken. It was kind of like Chicken Fried Rice, minus the rice, plus the noodles.
No real description needed here. Chef Boyardee Jumbo Ravioli was the best and a fat girls favorite! I would eat this straight out of the can. When it’s hot, it’s just plain nasty. Ew
Grilled Cheese Supreme:
While most people use two pieces of bread to make grilled cheese, I liked to use three, and about half a container of margarine. I would spread that bad boy margarine on each side of my bread, and take two pieces of Kraft Cheese and put it between three slices of bread. Yes, THREE. So good, so carbfully delicious. Now that I think about that one though, kind of makes me sick to my stomach.
Extra Cheesy Doritos:
Doritos. Melted Cheese. Microwave. BOOM!
and best for last….
For this omelet, you will need four eggs, eight slices of cheese, turkey bacon, maybe some vegetables, (but as long as they’re sauteed in butter first), also, any leftovers from the night before would be very useful in this recipe. You put margarine, or butter in the pan…all depends on how fat you’re feeling. Once this is all melted, and the delicious oils are all bubbling, you put in your egg that has been fluffed up. Pour all your ingredients; unhealthy vegetables, leftover lobster, lunch meat, hamburger helper, turkey bacon, bacon… all of it. Just throw it in there. Flip it over, and make sure that bad boy gets crispy on both ends. Put in on your plate, and enjoy. If you’re feeling adventurous, this can also be served with a side of Grilled Cheese Supreme.
This is the story of how I became fat. Some recipes may have been altered, depending on my level of hunger at this moment.