My name is Hillary, and I am addicted to food. I like all sorts of food. Preferably food that is greasy, food that is meaty and food that is yummy. I like to eat at all hours of the night. I like to eat all hours of the day. This is starting to sound like one of those Dr. Seuss books, so I’m just going to shut my mouth up now.
Even after having my stomach surgically removed, I can still think like a fat girl. I can still want to eat the food that all normal greasy people eat, and just because my stomach isn’t a part of me anymore, doesn’t mean I won’t stop thinking as if I still had it. I can literally go to my fridge, and start cooking like I completely forgot I had surgery. Five minutes into my eating session, which I like to call “pre-dinner”, I find myself stuffed, and wanting to projectile vomit all over my wall. (TMI, SORRY, GET OVER IT!). When all people cook, they like to taste here and there, and see what’s going on to make it better. However, when it comes to my cooking, I like to make myself a pre-meal. This could be anything from microwaved leftovers, to low fat anything else. Mind you, when I make these pre-dinner snacks, while cooking dinner, they’re not fattening. The doctor would be proud. However, the doctor would not be proud that sometimes I forget that I had the surgery.
Sometimes it’s hard to remember, especially when there’s a sweet table staring you in the face, or a table full of delicious greasy cheese filled pizza. Sometimes it’s hard to remember when everyone around you is eating all the foods you haven’t eaten in four months. Sometimes it’s hard to remember when you’re busy snacking. It’s easy to remember though, when I look back at that picture of myself from 4 months ago. Then it’s really easy.
As crazy as it sounds, I guess I just need that constant reminder that I am not like everyone else. I can’t eat the same way as everyone else or in that case, the way I used to. When I see someone pouring themselves 2L of Diet Pepsi at one sitting, I shouldn’t be upset, or jealous that I can’t have any, because I don’t want to be that person anymore.
I wish I could say that I know someday I will get over the obsession of food. But who am I kidding? Food will always be a part of my life; I just need to be the bigger person, and not let food win.