Mr. Vending Machine

Dear Vending Machine Man,

I know I am pretty, and I know that you think that I am quite perfect for you. However, not only do I have a boyfriend, I am also extremely fat. While I sincerely appreciate you trying to feed me treats whenever you visit work, I believe it would be best if you would refrain from doing so in the future. My bootylicious belly cannot take one more bag of Doritos or another Cookies & Cream bar.

The gesture is appreciated. Let’s do drinks sometime soon. You can get a drink, I’ll get a glass of water. Well maybe we will do that separately but you know what I mean.


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