My One Year Blogaverssary


 

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Today marks one year of my first blog post. One year ago, I was in a completely different place. I was just starting out by making people laugh about how fat I was and pretty much poking fun at myself. It’s been such an amazing year, and so many changes have happened. I’ve lost one of my triple chins, lost 6 pant sizes, and have smiled more this year than I have in the last ten.

I distinctively remember this day in 2012. November 26, 2012, I entered the hospital for my first ever INFO SESSION. Now, this info session, is a room full of plump people such as myself, with the nurses and doctors coming in to scare you with what to expect with your upcoming surgery. So what, they were going to cut my stomach open, big deal, I wasn’t scared. Then everything else started to sink in- the pills, my life after surgery, my clothes, my life in general.. everything. In the middle of the info session, I look up at the doctor, and he’s talking about all these complications, and I begin wondering if this surgery really is for me, or if I can actually do it on my own. I look around the room- a room full of overweight, discouraged people just like me, then back down at my stomach, while my triple chin hits my chest, and immediately I know that this is the last option for me.

I look down at my stomach now and still see the fat girl. I still am the fat girl. What people don’t realize is that it happens slowly. I don’t even realize it, and I’m trying to calm myself down everyday when I wake up every morning and realize that I’m still a fatass. Truthfully, I didn’t do all the research I should have done leading up to the surgery. I thought it would be a breeze, that I would lose all my weight by the summer, that I’d be able to wear a bikini. Truth is, I’m ten months out and I still am fat. I will be fat forever- maybe not physically, but mentally.

I’m so happy with what I’ve done, and I have learned to not let anyone judge me or make fun of me. I’ve learned that I am a special person, and I should be lucky for what I have. So what if I’m ten months out and haven’t lost all the weight, that doesn’t matter to me. I have come so far, and this has been the most magical year of my life.

During this whole blog life of mine, I’ve realized that people are asses. People are rude, and will really do anything to bring you down. In elementary and high school, I would hate writing, but look at me now- writing is my jam (I hate jam). I’ve learned that even if I’m losing weight, and even if I become 150 pounds, people will always have something to say or something to criticize about me. I’ve learned that no amount of weight loss will suffice to people who love me most. I have also learned that the young bullies from my childhood have and will always remain to be bullies forever. I have learned to love life, and to be happy. I have learned to love myself and learned to be happy with what I have. I have learned to realize who is really there for me, and to appreciate the love and attention I receive from my family and especially my boyfriend, and best friend, Donald. I have learned to taste food and not to devour it. I have learned to appreciate food and not devour it. I liked to devour food, what can I say.

Most of all, I have learned who I am, and I am proud of who I am. I can happily say that I am one hundred bajillion times happier today, than where I was on November 26 2012.

Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement.

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Big Tummy, Little Legs


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I’ve said it a hundred times, and I will say it ten thousand more times: I have the best legs ever. My legs make me feel like a pretty skinny person. My legs are probably eight feet long, are a wonderful shade of tan, and are in the best shape ever. I have no jigglies, and I have no cellulite. I think I have my fat to thank for my beautiful legs. If it weren’t for my fat stomach, my legs wouldn’t be in such great shape. Think about it!! My legs have so much weight to carry around, how can’t they be so fantastic? I’ll stop bragging about my hot legs. While I got amazing legs, I got a teeny tiny bum. My bum now, at 25, is probably the same size as baby North Wests at 5 months old. Anyway- too bad for me.

Here are a list of reasons why it sucks to have a tiny butt:

1) I can’t take really cool selfies at the gym like all those other girls do, and show how hard I worked out my butt

2) When I do take a selfie, and it’s a side selfie, I look like Gumby

3) Jeans are not my friend. When I wear jeans, I look like I’m wearing uncomfortable sweatpants

4) I look ridiculous and not proportional. How can someone with such a huge stomach have such a small butt? I’m not normal looking.

Those are just some things, the list can go on and on. However, instead of complaining about the butt I don’t have, I choose to talk about the fantastic legs I do have. So I have these great legs, right. But I absolutely hate working them out. They get enough of a workout all day, and I can just complain about anything and everything. Anyway, I have this thing with ranting, and that’s what I’m doing. So now I’m shutting up about my legs. So, what comes with skinny, boney legs? A boney butt? When I sit on chairs, I need something with extra padding, or else I get uncomfortable and sit like I need to go poop. You know the dance you do when you’re sitting on a chair and you don’t want to poop yourself? Yup, that’s how I look. If anyone knows where I can get portable chair sized egg shell foam mattress things, please let me know so I can sit comfortably.

I’m going to go do some squats now.

 

 

It’s 10:00 AM And I Finished All My Snacks


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Anyone who knows me, knows that I like snacks. I am a snack queen, and I can snack all day. Some may diagnose me with grazing disorder, but I just think of myself as a hungry horse. Kidding, now is not the time to make fun of me, but I do like snacks.

Snacks come in all shapes, forms, tastes, colors and sizes. Due to the fact that my stomach is the size of a banana, large snacks don’t quite do it for me anymore. I have found that apples are not my friend, because they burn going down, and then just sit in my stomach like an unborn apple baby. Carrots aren’t good with me either. I’m mostly good with almonds and cheeses. I love cheese, don’t get me started on cheese. I like all cheese except for the stinky ones. Once it gets too smelly or mushy, it makes me really uncomfortable and I’m just off wanting cheese.

Enough about cheese, and more about me. I don’t know what’s happened, or why it’s happened. If I am bored at work, or if I am just bored in my brain, but when it comes to the morning, I need a snack every 30 minutes. I am always hungry. Of course, once I eat, the feeling goes away… I know all the doctors and nutitionists say that drinking water will make you feel less hungry. Can someone make water taste less boring? For all you nature people who are about to tell me how great water is for you, and all the nutirents blah blah, I already know these things. I’ve been home sick many times this year, and Dr. OZ has told me all about it. Water bores me. It tastes like wet air. When someone forces me to do something, I’ll do the exact opposite. I still haven’t gone back to Diet Pepsi which is my ex bff, but whatever.

Anyway, it’s early, I’m out of snacks, and now I have to deal with it. The vending machine man won’t be back today to feed me treats. I definitely don’t need any more of those.