It’s been one year since I walked into my doctors office and picked up my nasty two week liquid diet. I was the unhappiest, grouchiest fat girl, and all I wanted was a double bacon cheeseburger. Those were possibly the worst two weeks of my life, because I have never depended on food. Fat Girl Problems, I guess? I’ve been a little absent this 2014. Truthfully it’s because I’m in a deep deep state of depression. I get that I am pretty, and god only made me fat so that I wouldn’t have it all and make the skinnies jealous. No one can have it all… I’ve been the same weight for the last 5 months and can’t seem to move the scale into onederland. (Onederland is when an overweight person gets out of the ungodly 200 pounds and into the 100’s).
I have never felt more pretty, or better about myself. I fit into a size 31 jeans, I like to look in the mirror and I am comfortable in tight shirts. I’ve given up on leggings and I actually wear things that have zippers and are form fitting. But the scale is my enemy, and I say it everyday. It’s like the number 2 wants to marry me and won’t go away. Doesn’t it understand that nobody likes that number? If I just saw that 1, I know that it would be totally different and I would be motivated to loose the rest of it. I look at old pictures, and I think to myself how did I let myself get that big, I was so unhappy. When I look at the scale, and nothing happens, I get depressed and just feel like I’m going back to that bad bad place- I don’t know what’s going on!
If anyone wants to say nice things to me now to motivate me, now would be the time.