If you don’t like to poop, talk about poop, hear about poop or poop is just not your topic, then I suggest look away, and ignore this post. I’m going to talk a lot about poop in this post. Regular people poops, my poops. Just poops. Poop. Poop is something that is near and dear to my heart and something that I have learned to love. Poop is something that is very important to me. Not that I’m like a wild behemoth when it comes to going to the bathroom, but since my surgery, it’s something that has become an integral part of my life. While most girls say they don’t poop, I beg to differ. You’re all a bunch of liars, and I know that most girls, not including myself, are probably animals in the bathroom compared to men. Donald Cho has been my boyfriend for two and a half years, and we’ve been living together for three months, and he has never witnessed or smelled a poopie from me. Unless he has, and he’s just very quiet about it. But I doubt it. I I have learned the hard way that if you don’t drink a lot of water, or if you don’t drink enough water, then your pleasant behind will not be so pleasant to you.
Me and my newest sleeve sister Taylor Barnaby were recently discussing what it’s like to be affected by the poopie monster:
TB: What pills are you on post surgery?
HC: Colace, because I have bathroom problems
TB: Constipation problems? It’s hard to drink enough fluids, seriously, I’m lucky if I get 48 oz. in.
HC. Life is hard. Pooping sucks
TB: But it’s the best when it’s out…. FREEDOM. The worst is when you know you gotta poop and every time you sit, it’s like someone is poking you in your butthole… too much?
HC: I feel like there’s a monster living inside my bum who doesn’t want to leave. In my mind, it would resemble a sock monkey.
TB: When I waddle, that’s the worst feeling
Anyway, I shouldn’t get too graphic, but it is real life, and if you don’t drink enough fluids, then your poopie monster will come out and bite you in the ass (haha, see what I did there?). The poopie-monster does bite, and hurts you and it’s not worth it. So just drink your stupid water and get it over with. Again with the whole water thing. I mean, I’m not a perfect person and I don’t drink my two liters a day.The main reason for me; I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again- is because water is boring. It just tastes like wet air. I’m a very crazy person, and I live a very unboring life. If I don’t drink alcohol, then I at least want to consume a drink which is a little bit fun, and instead I’m stuck with the wet air drink. Crystal Light and all that crap tastes good, but I’m sure it’s not great for you… especially the way I use it. I like it really sweet!
Anyway, I’m pooped..