Seasonal Complaints

I like to complain. A lot. Mostly about anything, and everything. Today’s complaint, is the weather. I’m not really happy with any kind of weather. I like the summer because it’s hot, and I can get a tan. Black is slimming, so the more I tan, the thinner I look. With summer, there are outdoor patios, going out, swimming pools blah blah, and with all those fun activities come fat girl embarrassments. Outdoor patios are cool, only if the seats I’m sitting on are fabric. I really don’t have a fat ass or anything, but oh em gee, does my bumbum sweat like a fat horse in church. No matter where I go or what I do, I seem to have ass sweat residue on someones leather seats or outdoor chairs. It’s really embarrassing.  I won’t sweat through jeans though, but I don’t like jeans, because it’s a struggle! Swimming pools are cool, as long as there are some bigger, bustier bigger plumper people around. I like pools mostly because in the water, I feel like I’m 100 pounds lighter. If I stand a certain position in the pool I can feel the hip bones in my stomach and I get so excited I can pee. But it’s not nice to pee in peoples pools, so I don’t too excited. Winter is just an evil season that wants to freeze me and kill me and make me unhappy. Winter wants to see me slip and fall and look like an idiot with a runny nose with boogers running into my mouth. I also hate winter because we need to wear winter coats, and winter coats make me look stuffy, and make me look like a stuffed sausage. Spring is nice, I have nothing to complain about. Fall sucks because of Halloween and then it reminds me that I need to wear my winter coat.

Damn, I have problems.

One comment

  1. weight2lose2013 · January 31, 2014

    Peeing in pools is a no no in my pool too. lol I guess there are good and bad aspects to all the season. For me, my worst one is winter. Too cold, don’t like shoveling, and I don’t like winter sports. Bring on the Spring!

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