That’s What Mommys Are For!


Today my mom thought it would be a nice idea to FaceTime me…

I pick up and the first thing that lovely lady says to me is “Wow, you look terrible!”. Old me would have gotten offended, and hung up.  I just told her she looked fat. She laughed. I laughed. I know I’m pretty.

Some days, I don’t like to wear makeup. I like to wear makeup for special occasions, or when I want to feel extra special. Some of my best pictures are actually makeup free! Come to think of it, my mom actually never liked when I wore makeup as a teenager. She would either call me “whore eyes” or “Raccoon eyes”. She’s a really sweet lady, I promise. Anyway, girls shouldn’t have to depend on makeup to make themselves look prettier, but my mom is right that I should brush my hair before I leave the house!

 

Love you Mommy!

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Honesty: I Gained Weight


I strongly believe that the only way you can truly fix mistakes, is by being honest. It’s quite obvious that something is wrong with me, as I went from blogging everyday, to blogging once every twelve days. I pretty much went into hiding because truthfully, I’m not happy. For the last couple of months, I’ve been in a sad, dark place  because I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I feel like I let my doctor down, like I left my family and friends down, and that I’ve let most importantly, myself down.

So, on that note, it’s time that I come clean. I gained weight. Not a ton, not anything huge, but to me, even a pound is huge. I put on eight pounds since July of last year. Obviously I haven’t been 100% because otherwise I would have been in a bikini by now. Literally, I would have been wearing bikinis everyday to work, even in this horrible winter weather. Honestly, I have no one to blame but myself. I obviously did this to myself. I figured I could hide it, and just keep it to myself, and no one would say anything to me about. It’s kind of funny actually, people don’t really need to say anything to me, just the glance, and the disappointment in their face is all I really need to know that I have screwed this thing up. When people look down at my stomach and say things like “Oh, how’s it going? How much do you weigh now?” or “I know 5 people who have had the surgery and they lost all their weight faster than you, I’m not sure why it’s not working for you”, I get it. I don’t need to be reminded.  I look in the mirror at myself everyday and know that I am fat, and I know that I have let everyone down.

The people that don’t want me to succeed and always have something negative to say about my weight loss, are going to love reading this, but the people that really matter, are going to support me, and love me and know how hard it was for me to say that I gained eight pounds. I think the more I say it, the more real it is, and the more of a wake up call it is for me to do something about this. This surgery is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I can’t screw this up like I’ve screwed up everything else. I literally have had my insides cut up and removed. People save up money and go into debt for surgeries like this. I’m just taking my time and eating things that I know I shouldn’t be eating. It’s so easy for me to tell other people what they should and shouldn’t eat, and then I go shove my face with mini eggs because they’re so damn delicious? Those damn mini eggs are going to kill me if I don’t just shove a carrot in my mouth and move on already!

So on a positive, and moving forward note, I actually wrote all my food down for two weeks, even the french fries, I wrote it all down. Everything was in my little Weight Watchers book, and just by logging my food, I was able to lose two pounds by my second weigh in at the doctors (2 weeks).  I’m so incredibly proud of myself, and I am making a promise to myself, and to the rest of the world; to everyone reading this and supporting me, and helping me, that I will take this seriously from this point on. I didn’t go through surgery, and intense pain to get fat again. This is not the life I want.

So now, I am officially up six pounds from my lowest weight last July. Instead of working on big goals, like saying I want to lose 40 pounds by May 1, I want to lose 7 pounds by my next doctors appointment, on April 28. I will take any and all positive encouragement I can get. Nasty comments and looks really don’t help me, in fact they only bring me down.

Here’s to being honest, and here’s to getting back to my adventure! 

 

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Guilt Free Dinners


So, as it is quite obvious, Donald and I love to eat. Maybe not Donald, I should just speak for myself-but I love to eat. Recently, I noticed that every morning, I would wake up, and feel especially heavy. I didn’t know what it was. I decided that maybe Donald and I should stop eating carbs at night to see what happens. I tried it out, and I think it worked..I mean, I’m still fat, so I still feel heavy when I wake up, but not as much as I did before. There have been so many healthy alternatives, and to be honest, I really feel like I’m one of those California moms who makes those green healthy choices. I feel like I should go out and buy myself a prius now!

There have been such amazing healthy alternatives! Instead of mashed potatoes, we do my all time new favorite, of cauliflower mashed patates… SO GOOD! It tastes just like the real thing. Except I made it for the first time three weeks ago, and I used three gloves of garlic, and I swear I could have murdered someone with my death breath.Pasta is always fun, but sometimes it gets boring and fills you up and you’re not really satisfied. I am in love with spaghetti squash. Not sure what it is. They’re like really crunchy noodles that are easy to slurp. It’s also fun when there’s no pots and pans to clean up so that’s a big plus! I also use quinoa instead of rice now. I like quinoa because it’s really fun and tasty and I also find them quite interesting. They’re grains, and extra grainy and so the little pieces get stuck in my mouth and I have desert for later. (Don’t judge, I’m not the only one out there). We’re also all about really spicy food now! I will drench everything I have in hot sauce and chili peppers. I’m not sure if this is a fact, or a made up thought in my crazy head, but I strongly believe that if I burn my insides with spicy foods, then I am also burning the fat and the food is just burning right through me. I’m not a doctor, or a cook, so I really don’t know, but you can trust me!

I’ve decided to share my cauliflower mashed potato recipe for people that want to be healthy and have stinky breath!

– 1 giant head of cauliflower

– 2 gloves of garlic (if you want to go crazy, and planning on being alone, use 3)
– 1/2 small white onion

– salt and pepper

– teensy bit of margarine

– splash of milk (I use skim because it’s the right thing to do)

Boil your cauliflower, make sure it’s mushy. Once it’s fully cooked and the water has spilled over and made a mess all over your brand new stove, take all the water out and put all the ingredients into a food processor. You can use a blender but then it gets messy and it doesn’t always cut the small pieces, and it’s just a pain in the a-s-s. Once you mix it all together, put it on your plate, and enjoy! Voila! Guilt free mashed potatoes.

For more recipes, check out my Instagram, I love taking pictures of my food!