Whoever said wedding planning is fun and the best time of your life, is obviously a sick human being…and on some serious crack. Wedding planning has been the most stressful, complicated year of my life. Instead of focusing all my energy on losing weight to fit in my dress (which is purchased, in one size smaller), I’ve transferred all the time and energy to planning and the scale is now punishing me for my actions.
When I say the dress is a size smaller, it literally does not close! Somehow, my mom can sense when I’m eating something bad, or something that I shouldn’t be eating, and she sends me pictures of the back of my dress…oh you know the one she secretly took when I was trying them on at the store. The back of the dress that won’t zip, with back fat pouring out of the back- yeah that one. Mom, why can’t you be one of those mom’s that’s technologically challenged, and not know how to send pictures? Ronnie Ginger is also the best mother because she finds it amusing to remind me not to be a fat bride “Hilly, I’m watching SYTTD BIG BLISS, you can look like this bulging beauty”
Instead of focusing on a number to lose, I’m now focusing on having the dress close. Mother Dearest has made a plan with me (which I never agreed to) that if the dress closes, she will gladly pay for the alterations, but should the dress NOT close at all, then I need to pay for alterations, and then refund her for the rest of the dress. So, in order to save myself some money, I will continue to work out in front of the TV, even if Gertrude, my geriatric neighbor watches me through her window every night. Pray for me, people!