Tanning Is Slimming


Image

 

Now that Hefty Helga has sadly passed on, there is officially nothing in my way stopping me from losing weight. The scale has been at the same place for the last three weeks, and then finally yesterday, when I got on the scale before my scheduled date, it had finally moved down two pounds. I’ll take it, and it’s better than going up two pounds.

I figure that summer is a great time for me to really put my mind to this weight loss again, and actually stick to it. I mean, not only because I’ll be tan, and we all know dark is slimming, but because I’ll have a lot more time to sit outside to tan, than to sit inside and eat snacks all day. Speaking of snacks, snacks are killer. I could just eat snacks all day. Snacks are delicious. Even the word snack sounds delicious, snack, snack snack. I sound hungry, but really I’m full. I just wish sometimes I could occupy myself with other thoughts instead of wondering when my next snack will be.

I haven’t been in a bathing suit since I was at my fattest last year. Well, I just lied. I was in a bathing suit last night. Around my apartment. Alone. Dancing to some Island beats. Just strutting by myself, seeing how I liked it. Genius didn’t seem to think I looked that bad, because he just stared at me panting, and didn’t even bark at the sight of me in swimwear.  It didn’t look that great, however looked better than last year. I wasn’t popping out of all the seams and not going to lie, I actually felt pretty damn good. (Would have looked better with a tan though)

Anyway, dark is slimming, better get back out there in the sun.

Advertisements

Rubber Ducky, You’re So Fine.


Image

 

As a child, I remember thoroughly enjoying bath time. It could have been due to the fact that I was able to go swimming in my own effing house, or the fact that I was able to splash everywhere, thinking I was making a mess, but in reality, I was just helping with the cleanup. I remember this one time, when Duffy and I took a bath together, he pooped in the bathtub and then started to cry. I don’t think I was supposed to tell anyone that story. Happens to the best of us, sorry Duff!

Over the years, I’ve grown to not liking bath time so much. As hot as I make the water, I still end up freezing my little tush off. I could blame the size of the bathtub, however, I have decided to blame myself, for the first time ever. I can’t remember the last time my entire body was able to be submerged into a bath all at once. When I try though, I need to stick my legs in the air, and then try to dunk my whole body. That doesn’t really work out, because the second I need to get up, my bath becomes a giant wave pool and before I know it, my entire bathroom has been flooded- lets just say the Asian family below me isn’t so happy. This past weekend, I tried to do a little experiment, and try to figure out how to take a real bath like a real human being, and really enjoy myself. After a lot of thinking, pruney hands, and ice cold water, I had finally figured it out. The only way I was able to do this was to lay flat on my stomach with my arms by my side and dunk my head under water. This was a sight to be seen… or not. Getting up was a challenge, and took a good five minutes.

Instead of having goals for myself, like I want to wear this pair of jeans, or to lose five pounds, my goal for this year is to immerse my entire body in a bathtub and enjoy my bath like I used to as a child. Except, maybe I won’t invite my brother to take a poop.