Bread….Warm Buttery Bread


bread

Growing up, I was never allowed to touch the bread at restaurants. You know the delicious hot bread that comes with butter at the beginning of most meals? It’s the bread that comes to the table, when you’re at your hungriest. As a child…well from eight years old, until today, I was always taught that bread was the enemy, and even looking at it would make me gain weight. I would watch with envy, and with drool coming out of my mouth , while my petite brother (sorry D) would chomp away at the tasty bread…with butter. Even before it hit the table, Ronnie Ginger would give me the eyes, making me aware that she was watching me, and that bread was MY enemy. When I became older and started going to restaurants with friends, I began to eat the free bread because no one was watching or judging. Little did I know that with each bite, I’d be blowing up a little more each time. On Donald’s first encounter with Ronnie Ginger, when he was just an innocent little boyfriend, taking his new girlfriend on dates, she nicely warned him that when he takes me out to restaurants, that I was not permitted, under any circumstances to eat the bread. She said this because I loved it so much…so she thought! Just to be clear, I don’t even like bread, I find bread to be dry, and boring and really just a waste of space. If I’m going to eat bread, I’m going to make it worth it- like a grilled cheese or French toast, but just plain bread doesn’t do it for me. The reason I became so aggressive as a child when I was refused the free bread at the table, was only because I was never allowed to have it. People always want what they can’t have, right? (I wasn’t allowed a lot of things apparently).

The thing with me and bread though, is that, bread is free, and it comes with most meals in America, and some parts of Canada. If it’s free, I like it, because I like good value. On the other hand, the whole reason why we’re going to a restaurant is because we’re hungry. If the polite waiter asks if I would like some free hot bread, and I’m hungry, and he places it right in front of me-then I’ll have a bite. I’m not going to eat an entire freaking basket of bread… this is because

1) I’m not an animal

and

2) I physically can’t keep in an entire load of bread

The moral of the story is, don’t deprive yourself. If you deprive yourself for your entire life, then one day you’ll eat an entire basket of bread, and wake up 50 pounds heavier.

Go ahead, have a bite, just a little bite.

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To My Grandma


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On November 5th 2014,  I suffered a great loss. My wonderful, amazing, beautiful grandmother passed away. My grandmother,  was my best friend, and someone who I spoke to everyday. Being the oldest grandchild, I knew I was lucky to have both my grandparents at 26, so I made sure to speak to her everyday, sometimes even twice a day. I knew that I wouldn’t have them forever, so I made sure to speak to them as much as I could. She would never let me speak to my grandfather, because she wanted me all to herself. My Grammy made it a point to judge, criticize, and comment when necessary, and she really had no filter; but I loved every moment of it! It feels so weird not to be able to call her anymore, this is the longest we’ve gone without speaking.

In the end, my grammy had a very weak heart, and she was in so much pain, but was too proud to say anything. Grammy was such a fighter and really wanted to live forever. Her heart was too weak and was not able to handle all the love she had for all her kids, grandkids and her soulmate- my Papakins!

Aside from Donald, and Mommy Ginger, my Grammy was the one person who really helped me stay on track with my weight loss and who pushed me to succeed. She knew as well as anyone, that my biggest fight was to get under 200 pounds. This is something that  I have been struggling with for the last 15 years of my life. For the last 6 months I have bounced near ONEDERLAND, but was never able to actually make it. My weight loss for the last two months has gone from 215.3 to 205.7 to 202.4 to 201.3 to 200.6 to 200.3. On the morning of November 5 2014, the day my grandma left us, I suffered not only one great loss, but two.  I got on the scale, because I felt a change within myself… to my surprise, the scale had shown me something I haven’t seen in a decade and a half… a ONE, on the scale. I got on and weighed 199.2….WITH CLOTHES! This may be so little to most people, this is something extremely huge for me, and is such a milestone in my life.

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While I know my Grammy is no longer with us in person, she is definitely with me in spirit. I don’t think I could have ever done this without her. I think that was her way of telling me that she is still here and watching over me. I never believed in that kind of stuff, but to me, it doesn’t seem like a coincidence.

Grandma, wherever you are, know that I love you, and I think about you everyday. Thank you for helping me succeed, and making me who I am today. I couldn’t have done it without you. I will never stop thinking about you, and I thank you for watching over us.

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Fat People Don’t Love All Food


Most ordinary people who don’t know much about anything would think that all fat people like all foods, and that when it comes to overweight people and dietary restrictions, there are none. Well I’m here to tell you, that as an average overweight person, I do not like all foods. My list of foods that I like is long, but I’ll try to keep it to a minimum.

Cheese:

Cheese is probably the most amazing gift from the cow gods. I’m pretty sure from what I’ve been told, that cheese is just rotten milk, but it tastes delicious. Now, while cheese may be yummy, I’m very particular about them. I know, how weird!… A fat person is particular about a type of food they like? I like all hard cheeses, as long as they’re not stinky. Really old cheddar and smoked gouda are my favorite. My mom used to buy smoked gouda when we were kids. It was a reward to get it, and I’d really have to work hard to get a piece; just one. That was until, I learned where the cheese drawer was and started eating an entire pack of cheese like a bag of chips. After Ronnie Ginger, my loving mother found out that I knew where the cheese stash was, it was over. The good expensive cheese stopped entering the house from that day. I was stuck with that “light” Kraft “cheese”… or should I say, Kraft plastic? Also, melted cheeses are so good. Like in a lasagna, when the mozzarella becomes ooey gooey… that’s pretty good. On to what I don’t like in the cheese category- I’m not one for stinky soft cheeses, or soft cheese in general. If I ever smelled a donkeys butt hole, I’d assume it smells like Blue Cheese, that stuff smells gross and why anybody would want to eat food the color of the rainbow really boggles my mind. I know it’s really in right now to like Brie and that Camembert stuff, but I just can’t. The smell reminds me of my locker in high school and it just brings back terrible memories for me.

Meat:

I love meat. Red meat. I like my meat rare. Obviously I’m not into eating my meatballs rare, but I totally adore some nice fancy meat once in a while. (When I say I like it, I like it, but I can only have about four bites until my stomach can’t take it anymore) Anyway, being Jewish, at most of our family holiday events, there’s always CHOPPED LIVER. I hate it! I can’t stand the sight of it, the smell of it, anything about it. To me it just looks like a bowl of mushed up poop and smells like it too. Sometimes Donald thinks it’s funny to breathe on me after he eats it. It’s an instant appetite decreaser for me! Also, ham and I don’t get along that great. I’m not sure if this fits in to the meat category, but whatever. I always loved Charlottes Web, and the thought of eating a sweet little pig really haunts my dreams… I do like bacon though. I swear I’m not a hypocrite.

Breads & Carbs:

Ever since I had my gallbladder surgery, for some reason, I can’t eat certain bread anymore. It’s like the surgeon gave me the gift of not being able to tolerate the things that are bad for me! Baguette is buttery goodness, but I have since had to say goodbye to it, along with the healthy flax seed bread, and any type of sandwich bread. For some reason though, croissants go down just fine; which for me I find unfortunate. Buuuut fortunately for me, I can only have 1/4 of it until I’m full. Those buttery delights are also murderous tasty treats. I’m not really one for chips. I find that they’re messy, and since I stain a lot of my clothes, I don’t find it worth it to eat chips unless I have a Tide-To-Go handy! Pasta and me no longer get along. Which, to be honest, doesn’t really bother me all that much, because it’s just a space waster in my stomach and I only made pasta when I was lazy.

Candies:

I LOVE CANDIES! I LOVE HALLOWEEN. I LOVE THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN WHEN EVERYTHING IS HALF PRICE. Candy doesn’t like me though. The second I eat a piece of candy, it goes straight to my triple chin and I’m just a sweaty hot mess. I made a promise to myself that I would not have a single candy before my birthday. So far, I’ve broken that promise twice. However, on a more positive note, I’m starting again tonight. I usually only like orange flavored candy, and mostly anything citrusy, or chocolatey. I hate black licorice, and cherry flavored snacks. But that’s about it!

Until then, I’ll keep working on the list of foods I don’t like!

Eff The Scale


I’ve come to the conclusion that the scale is a big fat bully. This stupid, glass, square shaped ass looks at me every time I pee and just wants me to stand on it and upset me.  Donald bought this super fancy one that tells you you’re fat, tells you how much oxygen you have, and then sends a notification to your phone reminding you how fat you are. First of all, once I get on the scale, that’s enough, I don’t need to get a little reminder with that number on my phone! How rude… Oxygen? Really?…I’m fine! 

 

So, I started this new thing and I’ve been doing it for about a week and it’s magical! I’ve started to measure my weight loss in the form of compliments rather than in the form of a stupid number. This past week, I have had one person say “I can’t believe what you look like today compared to what you used to look like“, ( I mean, I know I look a lot better, but I was never so hideous you couldn’t look at me!) for that compliment, I will take off 2.1 pounds. Then two days later, someone else said how thin my face got- another pound there! Measurements in compliments is way more effective than getting on some stupid box. By the way scale making people, perhaps you should make a scale that gives you compliments like; ” Good Morning Beautiful” or “You Look Nice Today”, what’s the point of these mean numbers anyway?

So from now on, I will keep eating my vegetables, and all you nice friendly people around me can keep the nice comments coming… I’m listening!!

A Note To Loud Chewers


Dear Loud Chewers of the world,

It’s time I come clean, and stop sitting here in silence and taking this abuse…I’m still not over the whole chewing with your mouth open thing. It’s really bothering me, and has been for the last 25 years of my life. Why is it necessary to chew like a horse, breathe like a behemoth and lick your fingers like curly sue? Actually, you don’t sound or look like curly sue, just a buffalo who’s hungry and has resorted to eating fingers. It’s so ugly! Was I the only one that was brought up to chew quietly and normally. I am not interested in hearing what your loud mouth has to offer. I also, don’t like when you spit your food on me. It’s rude, and impolite, and you should not be marching over to me with a buffet of food in your mouth. I like Niagra Falls, not Foodagra Falls, thank you very much.

If my mom taught me how to chew properly, then you can do it too. I will be giving tutorials, at a low rate of $5 an hour. It’s called Hillarys-School-Of-Learning-To-Chew-With-Your-Gross-Mouth-Closed-School-Of-Etiquette.

Thanks so much, and have a lovely day.

Goodbye.

A Little Bit Of Honesty


I guess I haven’t really been honest in a while. I sit and talk about how difficult it is to lose weight, and how the scale hasn’t moved in a while. I also blast people for accusing me of “taking the easy way out” and to be honest, I’ve been using the surgery as the easy way out for the last little while. At the beginning the pounds would just come shedding off, and then I got used to it. The more used to it I got, the less motivation I had to work out, and eat right. Sounds shocking, I know.I guess I’d figured, like most people who know nothing about the surgery, that I didn’t need to eat right or go to the gym.

 

I stopped posting my monthly weight loss because I’m embarrassed. I stopped posting in general because I haven’t really done anything inspiring or amazing in the last little while. If I’m not honest with myself, then the weight won’t come off! So here’s this weeks honesty:

– I used to do Crossfit once a week. My excuse that I don’t go more is because it’s too expensive. Truth is, I can easily get a membership to Crossfit. If I subtract two monthly meals at restaurants, that pays for the membership

– I hardly go to the gym anymore. I have the membership. My excuse was that I had my puppy, Genius to go home and take care of, however, now that Ronnie Ginger adopted him back from me, I can go to the gym as much as I want whenever I want.

– I eat all day. Grazing is the biggest problem for me. I need something to do that stimulates me. Instead of eating snacks, and nibbling on my fingers, I need to come up with a new activity to keep me from grazing all day. I’m not hungry, I do it out of pure boredom.

From this point on, I will be completely brutally honest. I know that I can lose the last 40 pounds. It’s up to me to get past my stupid excuses and move on from them. Excuses are what made me fat, and what will keep me fat.

Helpful Tips For Full Stomach Sized People


Since my surgery, I have noticed a lot of changes. Changes in my body, in my health, in my breathing while walking up stairs, and also personality and my confidence. I’ve also noticed a lot of changes in the ways that others treat me. While I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone, there should be a couple of things that should be made clear:

1) People who have had weight loss surgery are people too. While we may be trying to lose weight, it doesn’t mean that we don’t have sweets, or treat ourselves once in a while. If I want to taste a cupcake, I will taste a cupcake. It is in absolutely positutely no way anyone elses place to tell me that I can’t have a cupcake, and/or give me a motherly face that cupcakes are bad for me. I know cupcakes are bad, and I know that I want to try one. Just a friendly reminder: I physically do not have room in my stomach to eat an entire cupcake, but I do have the room to satisfy myself with one teeny tiny bite. The old me would have been the closet eater self that I was, and not had any cupcakes at a family gathering – then when I’m sitting home alone on a Saturday night, I would instead have had a movie night with Ben and Jerry and my dear old friend Humpty Dumpty. I’m not out to sabotage my weight loss by one bite. I just want a measly taste.

2) When people say “You took the easy way out”. I’m sorry, you should rephrase your sentence, because this is in no way easy. There is nothing easy about parting with 85% of your stomach. There is nothing easy about learning to live life a new life, or learning a new way of eating. There is absolutely nothing easy in seeing an entire plate of food in front of you, knowing that you can’t physically eat it. It’s hard, and just because I had this surgery, does not give anyone the right to look me in the eye and say those words to me. The first thing I learned in my info session before weight loss surgery, was that this surgery needs to be used as a tool. The weight will not just fall off instantly and magically fit into a bikini overnight. What we see on TV, and in the magazines, are not what it’s like in reality. I speak not only for myself, but for everyone around me, unless you have lived through this, had any type of weight loss surgery, it does not give you the right to bash someone and accuse them of “taking the easy way out”.

3) When you say “you look so skinny!”, it’s super nice and all that you think that, but last I checked, I weighed 204 pounds, and according to my BMI chart, I am obese, nowhere near the “skinny” category. In fact, there is no such thing as a “skinny” category. There is morbidly obese; which I have happily moved on from, obese, overweight, normal and underweight. At this point in my life, I am obese, seriously, true story, and  I hate to break it to you, but it’s the truth. While I appreciate a flattering comment – at the end of the day, we both know I’m not skinny. I don’t ever want to be skinny. My goal is to be normal….and healthy. Skinny is just an overrated fad and really unflattering on most people.

4) I like snacks. Snacks are an important part of my diet. Considering the fact that I have the stomach the size of a baby banana, I get full quite easily, with a teensy bit amount of food. Just because I’m on a food schedule, doesn’t mean you need to mock or make fun when I get hungry at 11:00 am.

5) As mentioned weeks ago, the same way it’s impolite to ask someone when the last time they shaved their legs was, it’s equally as inappropriate to ask a person how much they weigh. I understand, I have a blog, I am sharing this for the world, everyone is curious. However, it is MY blog, and I share the details of my weight loss. When I want to share my weight, I will, if you are curious and I’m not in the mood to share,  then maybe you can sneak a scale under my feet somehow and find out for yourself, or back off? But as it stands now, just leave it, and when I want to mention something I will. Capeche?

Weight loss for anyone is not easy. Even without this tool it’s hard. Nothing in life is made to come easy. Sometimes people who haven’t had the surgery don’t know all these little fun facts I’ve shared today. Now we know, and now we can all treat each other like normal little individuals.

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