A Word Worse Than Moist


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I cringe and grind my teeth the moment I hear someone use the word moist. There’s just something so gross and yucky about this word. Hard to imagine that there could be a word worse than moist, however, I think I got it… DIET. I hate it. Notice how the inventor of the word secretly put the word “die” in there? It’s torture. Like actually. Diets deprive you of food, make you unhappy, make you lose friends, because you can’t go to movies and eat fat people popcorn, or go out for fun greasy meals at 3:00am.  Diets all do the same thing…at the end, all lead to the same result… a big fat failure. As a person who loves food, it becomes hard to diet after every twenty pounds you put on. Instead of going to the gym I just want to try out this new all you can eat sushi place, or go see the newest movie with buttery popcorn (and now they give you these toppings for free, yummy) Anyway, that summer when I went away to fat camp, I kept telling myself the same thing over and over again “Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels” I will stick by that.

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Holidays


So this weekend was Christmas! It was a blast. Donald Chow made me a delicious 5 course meal, which I gladly ate all of, and surprisingly had no room for desert after I was done. Now, being a Jew that celebrates Christmas is quite special to me. Because not only do I get the yummy grandmalicious food for Channukah, but I also get the yummy Christmas food. I’m a little bummed that I didn’t get my gingerbread house this year- it’s probably half price now! I love some good deals. Anyway, this weekend I ate so much food, and I’m still full from it. So full that I have no room for dinner, and let me tell you, I’ve always got some room. Donald Chow and I had nothing to do for Christmas, so we thought we would be cool and go see not one, not two, not three but FOUR movies at the movie theatre. They were all good. But the downtown theatre made the best popcorn. I’m bloated from all the salt. Anyway, I love Christmas. I’m a bad Jew.