Guilt Free Dinners


So, as it is quite obvious, Donald and I love to eat. Maybe not Donald, I should just speak for myself-but I love to eat. Recently, I noticed that every morning, I would wake up, and feel especially heavy. I didn’t know what it was. I decided that maybe Donald and I should stop eating carbs at night to see what happens. I tried it out, and I think it worked..I mean, I’m still fat, so I still feel heavy when I wake up, but not as much as I did before. There have been so many healthy alternatives, and to be honest, I really feel like I’m one of those California moms who makes those green healthy choices. I feel like I should go out and buy myself a prius now!

There have been such amazing healthy alternatives! Instead of mashed potatoes, we do my all time new favorite, of cauliflower mashed patates… SO GOOD! It tastes just like the real thing. Except I made it for the first time three weeks ago, and I used three gloves of garlic, and I swear I could have murdered someone with my death breath.Pasta is always fun, but sometimes it gets boring and fills you up and you’re not really satisfied. I am in love with spaghetti squash. Not sure what it is. They’re like really crunchy noodles that are easy to slurp. It’s also fun when there’s no pots and pans to clean up so that’s a big plus! I also use quinoa instead of rice now. I like quinoa because it’s really fun and tasty and I also find them quite interesting. They’re grains, and extra grainy and so the little pieces get stuck in my mouth and I have desert for later. (Don’t judge, I’m not the only one out there). We’re also all about really spicy food now! I will drench everything I have in hot sauce and chili peppers. I’m not sure if this is a fact, or a made up thought in my crazy head, but I strongly believe that if I burn my insides with spicy foods, then I am also burning the fat and the food is just burning right through me. I’m not a doctor, or a cook, so I really don’t know, but you can trust me!

I’ve decided to share my cauliflower mashed potato recipe for people that want to be healthy and have stinky breath!

– 1 giant head of cauliflower

– 2 gloves of garlic (if you want to go crazy, and planning on being alone, use 3)
– 1/2 small white onion

– salt and pepper

– teensy bit of margarine

– splash of milk (I use skim because it’s the right thing to do)

Boil your cauliflower, make sure it’s mushy. Once it’s fully cooked and the water has spilled over and made a mess all over your brand new stove, take all the water out and put all the ingredients into a food processor. You can use a blender but then it gets messy and it doesn’t always cut the small pieces, and it’s just a pain in the a-s-s. Once you mix it all together, put it on your plate, and enjoy! Voila! Guilt free mashed potatoes.

For more recipes, check out my Instagram, I love taking pictures of my food!

I’m A Secret Chef


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I’ve always wanted to be a chef. Sometimes I see myself in the kitchen, and I want to wear a chef hat  and apron, and I want to sprinkle a dash of salt on things and yell at my sous chef. (Which I don’t have, but I can dream, right?). Needless to say, I am not a chef, however, in the past I have made some lovely culinary experiments.

I’m about to get nasty. Like seriously nasty. While making my delicious dinner last night, I was thinking about all the disgusting concoctions Not Healthy Hillary would make. Seriously, now that I think of these things, it’s utterly disgusting and I had some serious issues.

Cheesy Potatoes:

Not as appetizing as you may think. I took a potato, raw. Sliced in half and microwaved it until the potato exploded into a million pieces all over the microwave. Once mushy, I then took some margarine. Well not some, a lot, and smeared it all over the potato. Once melted, I then took two pieces of Kraft cheese, put that hot potato back in the microwave and then took it out when it was nice and gooey. Best eaten while sitting under your desk in your room so no one can find you.

Cheerio Mush:

Just as disgusting as it sounds. Yup, you heard it here first. I would take Cheerios, then peanut butter. Mush them together and then I would have Cheerio Mush! Much messier than regular cereal, and also super fattening because I decided to use Honey Nut Cheerios, and not just the regular healthy one. 

Ramen Noodle Surprise:

I love Ramen noodles. They’re best served soggy, or even dry, but they’re all around just a delicious snack. I would take Ramen Noodles and then mix them with Soya Sauce, and mix some scrambled egg in there and some chicken. It was kind of like Chicken Fried Rice, minus the rice, plus the noodles.

Chef Boyardee:

No real description needed here. Chef Boyardee Jumbo Ravioli was the best and a fat girls favorite! I would eat this straight out of the can. When it’s hot, it’s just plain nasty. Ew

Grilled Cheese Supreme:

While most people use two pieces of bread to make grilled cheese, I liked to use three, and about half a container of margarine. I would spread that bad boy margarine on each side of my bread, and take two pieces of Kraft Cheese and put it between three slices of bread. Yes, THREE. So good, so carbfully delicious. Now that I think about that one though, kind of makes me sick to my stomach.

Extra Cheesy Doritos:
Doritos. Melted Cheese. Microwave. BOOM!

and best for last….

Ultimate Omelet:

For this omelet, you will need four eggs, eight slices of cheese, turkey bacon, maybe some vegetables, (but as long as they’re sauteed in butter first), also, any leftovers from the night before would be very useful in this recipe. You put margarine, or butter in the pan…all depends on how fat you’re feeling. Once this is all melted, and the delicious oils are all bubbling, you put in your egg that has been fluffed up. Pour all your ingredients; unhealthy vegetables, leftover lobster, lunch meat, hamburger helper, turkey bacon, bacon… all of it. Just throw it in there. Flip it over, and make sure that bad boy gets crispy on both ends. Put in on your plate, and enjoy. If you’re feeling adventurous, this can also be served with a side of  Grilled Cheese Supreme.

This is the story of how I became fat. Some recipes may have been altered, depending on my level of hunger at this moment.