My clothing options weren’t always the best choice. I would have two extremes. Either I would dress myself up as a homeless bag lady, or I’d pretend that I weighed 120 pounds and wear booty shorts with a barely there t-shirt. Either way, no matter the outfit, I looked ridiculous. It’s funny though. I would leave my house, thinking I looked absolutely spectacular, and it would take only one strange look for me to feel ridiculous in my outfit of the day. I’ve come to the realization that nobody can make me feel pretty but me. Maybe I like my oversized sweaters. They’re comfy and make me look ten pounds larger than I really am. I like them and I’m comfortable in them, so I will wear them! Maybe I also like to show off my pleasantly plump belly button. I like my belly button. I think it’s nice and perfectly rounded and perfect in general. Why shouldn’t I want to show that bad boy off?
Maybe it’s because I’ve never loved myself up until now, or because I’m learning to love me for me. Who knows. Whatever it is. Maybe someday I will want to wear fancy couture, or I will want to wear less revealing boobie clothes and more revealing bum bum clothes. If I feel good in what I’m wearing, then I will wear it. Let there be reactions from others, I’ll take it as a compliment. I’ll love me, no matter what I wear. I’m more important than what the clothes on my back.
Charlie Hane sent me this little piece yesterday, and I was blown away by it…
“I just know that I was tired. I was tired of thinking less of myself because others did. People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it”- Gabourey Sidibe.
You know what I don’t like? When I go shopping, and some snooty little salesperson tells me how good I look in something, when really I just look like a fat lard busting out of the seams. I’d rather just give you a few dollars to be honest with me than to lie to my face and tell me I look good. Like how can I possibly walk around in public when I have fat rolling out of every corner of my body. Maybe you should go eat a giant bag of mini eggs, and tell me how you feel, while you’re busting out of a size 14 dress that’s two sizes too small. People think it’s crazy, but I would love it if someone told me I looked terrible in something. Like I remember this one time when Donald Chow asked me if I was serious when I busted out by jean shorts. I didn’t see anything wrong with them, but he said that it looked like I was wearing “a jean material bean bag chair” which was “falling off my ass”. I thought I looked good, but I appreciated the criticism. Actually, I’m lying, because I totally yelled at him, and wore the jean shorts anyway.
On another note, Monday, I plan on telling the world exactly how much I weigh…Maybe…depends on my mood
I work in the fashion industry, because I’m cool like that. I work for a company that sells clothes mostly to the skinnier, smaller demographic. Anyway, today is sample sale day, and I was all VIP and got to head to the front of the line to get all the fancy cool pretty stuff. So, while I’m walking around picking up things that I would love to fit into, I get a little bit excited, because I can actually see myself fitting into these things! I am so happy that I can buy normal(ish) sized clothing! I must admit though, the majority of the merchandise I picked up wasn’t exactly the most flattering at the moment, I know that these are inspirational clothes, and I was still able to fit it over my head and do up the zipper! Overweight girls usually always do the same thing. When they find something that fits them, they will buy the exact item in all colors it comes in. Take my closet for example. I have got 3 sweater capes, all different colors. 4 pairs of jeans, all different colors. It’s kind of sad when I say it out loud though. At this sample sale though, there was only one of each color, and size. So I felt super amazing about myself.
On another note, I know I’m getting
skinnier healthier, because I’m starting to get the same clothes as other people in the office, and take part in “accidental dress like twins day”. Makes me feel so good about myself. Although, I’m not so sure how the skinny healthy girls feel about it.
I finally see a change and I have never been prouder in myself!
Remember in Mean Girls, when nothing fit Regina because she was like so fat? Well, the opposite has happened to me HALLELUJAH!!! I tried on a pair of my old jeans today, and I was swimming in them. The hoarder in me wants to keep them, because they’re brand name, but the smart girl in me is telling me that it’s best to get rid of them, because I never want to be that size again. So like, I’m in a really tough place right now. Also, I haven’t been able to see the floor of my closet since I moved into my own apartment in November; maybe I should reconsider throwing out all of my fat clothes. Someone help me!!!!
For the last month, I’ve been living off leggings. The same thing I was wearing each and everyday when I was a Hefty Helga. Not to sound crazy cocky or anything, but I have amazing legs, and leggings just happen to show off the one thing that I’ve got!
I currently work in the fashion industry with people who are toothpick thin, I don’t hate them for it, I totally genuinely like them! Anyway, today, a miracle happened. I purchased the cool pants that EVERYONE in the office is wearing. I really feel like things are looking up, and changing for me. Also, might I add that they are a SIZE 30! I’m not wearing them like normal people do, at their waists, I’m only wearing them underneath my gluge, tire, stomach – whatever you want to call it, but I call it gluge. But, they still go up, and they fit. While trying my awesome pants on with Lucinda and Lolo Returners this afternoon, they both looked at me puzzled, and asked why I put my pants on without undoing the zipper and the button? I thought to myself “this is a strange question to ask, isn’t this the way pants are supposed to be put on?”. I realized, that my entire life, jeans have been a struggle and I’ve never been able to zip them up without doing the squiggly wiggly worm dance. I guess now, that I’m halfway to my goal weight, I can start zipping up pants like a normal young lady.
It’s been a week since my last rant, and I think that perhaps I was a little too easy on my SG friends. The weather here in Iglooville Canada has been quite nice and people all around me are slowly losing clothing by each degree the temperature goes up.
I just thought that I would share a couple of friendly reminders for my skinny friends:
1) Belly tops were popular in 1997. Britney was the only one who was able to pull it off properly. You look like a giraffe wearing baby clothes, and you should really consider putting on some longer clothing.
2) Butts are supposed to fit into shorts, and should not be worn as underwear. Didn’t your mother ever teach you how to dress?
3) When wearing skirts or short dresses, please ensure you have a nice pair of pantaloons on as the rest of the world isn’t curious to see what you have going on up there. (I mean, I personally know of some pervs that may be interested, but the majority of us don’t like to get flashed for no good reason.
Anyway, I’ll be nice for now, but I’m sure when summer comes around I’ll have a lot more complaining to do!
Today, something magnificent happened. We all know about the miracle that occurred last week, and this one is on the same page. I am a very jolly giant. So jolly in fact that when I wear heels I’m almost as tall as Shaquille O’Neal. Also, when I don’t wear heels I’m still some sort of Lakers basketball player.
Anyway, back to what I was saying about being so jolly and giantesque. Growing up I always had to wear dresses as shirts because the extra fabric would be more flattering on me and I’d get like an extra three inches of room in my shirts to fit in my super cute teeny tiny tummy (ya right!). This morning, I put on my regular pair of panty hose with the usual run in them, and decided that maybe I should try one of my shirt/dresses on to see how my progress was going. So, I put it on. It fits, and it flows and I look normal. It’s a little short, but I don’t care because I have these fantastic legs that people wish they had! I feel so pretty and flowy, but to be honest: when I look in the mirror I feel like I look like a little figure skater wearing something Julia Roberts should have worn in Pretty Woman. To be even more honest, I don’t care, I’m confident in how I look. Not only is this dress now a dress, but there is actually room in it! It’s worn how the models in the magazines show it should be worn!
Miracles keep on happening!
Ok, so I am so happy to share this lovely news. For the first time in like, ever, I woke up this morning and got dressed, and was so happy with the clothing that I put on that I didn’t even change once.
Let me backtrack a little, two months ago, I would make a mess of my closet looking for something that didn’t make me look like a Michelin Man, something that didn’t expose too much fat, or something that wasn’t too tight that made me look like a jolly stuffed sausage. Getting dressed would take at most, ten minutes, I wouldn’t do my hair, because I wouldn’t care, and I used to look like a disgusting slob (Ronnies words). Today, I woke up, I got my hair did and I put on panty hose and a dress. I looked in the mirror, and said “wow, I look good” I HAVE NEVER EVER SAID THOSE WORDS TO MYSELF. I actually look good.
Today I’m getting so many compliments on how lovely and feminine I look. Is this because I dressed like a slob for the last year I’ve been working in the fashion industry? Either way, I feel good… na na na na na na na