Dear Skinny Girls,
I’m sorry that I’m mean to you and say mean things. I’m sorry that I say things that hurt your feelings. You just got blessed with the lucky genes, and my mother married a ferocious beast who was a jolly giant, and I got his genes. I shouldn’t be taking my problems out on you. You are all nice people. Well most of you- except for the ones that complain that they’re ten pounds too heavy while they’re eating a super bacon deluxe cheeseburger supreme. Anyway, I’m sure one day I will grow out of this 25 year fad, and become the
skinny, healthy princess I have always wanted to be. All my fairytale dreams will come true, and I will live in fairytale land with my fairytale husband, and kids and mansion and fairytale chocolate fountain.
This year will be my year, and I know that I am ready to accomplish anything when it comes to my weight loss. I will sit with the skinny girls at lunch and complain about how fat I am, and I will love it.
Fat girl for now.
Last week I was a
little, very mean to the skinny girls. My apologies. Well not really, but I’ll say I am so you continue to read my hilarious blog. Anyway, I know skinny people have feelings too and it hurts their feelings when people make fun of their skininess, it’s the same for fat people. Except in elementary school you’re part of the cool crowd and no one makes fun of you for being the skinny kid who can’t run to first base in soccer baseball; only the fat kids who kick the ball in the opposite direction and can’t make it to first without being smacked by the ball get made fun of. So, because skinny girls were mean to me in school, it’s my turn to retaliate. If you don’t like it, I don’t care. Anyway, so this whole new “loose fitting” clothing is in style, and I was beginning to think that all these big names were making clothes for the fatty boombas plump girls. Anyway, these loose fitting shirts, fit me perfectly, and I’m starting a new trend. Skinny people have it so easy. Everything looks so good on them. Even if it’s too tight it looks good. I got yelled at when I tried to wear a belly shirt at twelve. What did I know? I thought it was cute
So we didn’t go for Chinese last night, I was a little bummed, until I stuffed my face at Moishes. It was delicious! I need to learn when to stop though, because it was so good I just kept eating. I should have just brought tupperware with me and brought the rest home for breakfast. Because you know, its cool to eat Shish Kebab and Monte Carlo potato for breakfast. I don’t want to be one of those bubbies that walks into the restaurants and takes a doggy bag. I sit in the corner, and do it discretely. I’m kidding, I don’t do it. I just lied, I’ve done it once before. Me and Chow went to this all you can eat sushi place in Downtown Montreal, and we stuffed our faces silly. We had an entire plate of sushi left, and nowhere to put it. I had no clean tupperwares left in my bag, so I had no choice, but to wrap it in a napkin and shove it in my bag. After our ice cream, yes, we ordered ice cream after that monster meal, I completely forgot about the sushi wrapped in paper towel in my bag. On the way home I open my bag to the smell of fish, nasty, and Chow takes it upon himself to throw a rather large napkin filled with sushi out the window on the highway. Poor guy behind us probably had california roll on his windshield.
All this being said, we order like normal people now.