Honesty: I Gained Weight


I strongly believe that the only way you can truly fix mistakes, is by being honest. It’s quite obvious that something is wrong with me, as I went from blogging everyday, to blogging once every twelve days. I pretty much went into hiding because truthfully, I’m not happy. For the last couple of months, I’ve been in a sad, dark place  because I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I feel like I let my doctor down, like I left my family and friends down, and that I’ve let most importantly, myself down.

So, on that note, it’s time that I come clean. I gained weight. Not a ton, not anything huge, but to me, even a pound is huge. I put on eight pounds since July of last year. Obviously I haven’t been 100% because otherwise I would have been in a bikini by now. Literally, I would have been wearing bikinis everyday to work, even in this horrible winter weather. Honestly, I have no one to blame but myself. I obviously did this to myself. I figured I could hide it, and just keep it to myself, and no one would say anything to me about. It’s kind of funny actually, people don’t really need to say anything to me, just the glance, and the disappointment in their face is all I really need to know that I have screwed this thing up. When people look down at my stomach and say things like “Oh, how’s it going? How much do you weigh now?” or “I know 5 people who have had the surgery and they lost all their weight faster than you, I’m not sure why it’s not working for you”, I get it. I don’t need to be reminded.  I look in the mirror at myself everyday and know that I am fat, and I know that I have let everyone down.

The people that don’t want me to succeed and always have something negative to say about my weight loss, are going to love reading this, but the people that really matter, are going to support me, and love me and know how hard it was for me to say that I gained eight pounds. I think the more I say it, the more real it is, and the more of a wake up call it is for me to do something about this. This surgery is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I can’t screw this up like I’ve screwed up everything else. I literally have had my insides cut up and removed. People save up money and go into debt for surgeries like this. I’m just taking my time and eating things that I know I shouldn’t be eating. It’s so easy for me to tell other people what they should and shouldn’t eat, and then I go shove my face with mini eggs because they’re so damn delicious? Those damn mini eggs are going to kill me if I don’t just shove a carrot in my mouth and move on already!

So on a positive, and moving forward note, I actually wrote all my food down for two weeks, even the french fries, I wrote it all down. Everything was in my little Weight Watchers book, and just by logging my food, I was able to lose two pounds by my second weigh in at the doctors (2 weeks).  I’m so incredibly proud of myself, and I am making a promise to myself, and to the rest of the world; to everyone reading this and supporting me, and helping me, that I will take this seriously from this point on. I didn’t go through surgery, and intense pain to get fat again. This is not the life I want.

So now, I am officially up six pounds from my lowest weight last July. Instead of working on big goals, like saying I want to lose 40 pounds by May 1, I want to lose 7 pounds by my next doctors appointment, on April 28. I will take any and all positive encouragement I can get. Nasty comments and looks really don’t help me, in fact they only bring me down.

Here’s to being honest, and here’s to getting back to my adventure! 

 

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Happy New Year


Happy New Year!

This year has been something spectacular and I am so happy and so proud of myself. I’ve learned so much, gained so much knowledge, and lost so much fat off my body! I have learned that I am amazing, and no one can bring me down. I’ve learned that people really just speak mean things about me because they’re just jealous that they aint me. I have learned that the mean people from my past, are still very mean, and will never change. Where I have lost weight, I’ve gained knowledge- I’ve learned how to eat properly, how to look at food different, and how to not let food rule me. I’ve lost three effing 18 wheeler tire trucks off my body! I’ve also learned the hard way to eat slowly (that sh@# kills).

While I’ve said hello to a whole new me this year, it’s time I say goodbye to many other things.  I would like to firstly, say goodbye to my old 1X 2X clothing. While you look great on me, and you make me look thinner than I am; I don’t want to ever fit into you again. You are bad clothing for me, and I am sure you will find a much nicer home with much better owners who will hang you up on hangers and fold you in drawers.  Goodbye to my nasty attitude toward the mean girls from elementary and high school. Karma is a B word, and the words in my blog won’t affect you. While there are a million things I would like to say to you, and would love to hurt your feelings, I will not. I’m letting go of all that negative energy, and wish nothing but the best for you… I guess. Goodbye to my old nasty habits. Snacking at night, snacking all the time, eating everything is not something I need to be doing anymore. Goodbye to grazing- you are a nasty habit and it’s time we break up.  Goodbye to staying up late, and waking up early. Goodbye to caring so much what people think. Goodbye to making fun of myself (ok, not really, because that’s my therapy)

I am so happy with where I am. While I may not be at my goal weight as of yet,  I am not giving up. I won’t leave my positive attitude on my weight loss behind in 2013, that s!@# needs to come with me into 2014. Here’s to 2014, and getting into ONEderland (for all you skinny people, that means here’s to me getting into the one hundreds)

I love everyone. I am so happy I started on this journey, and so happy that I started this blog. Without the support of my friends and family and companion Donald, I don’t think I would have made it this far.

Here’s to losing the last 40 pounds in 2014!

 

Screw You!


One thing I have learned post surgery, is learning to love me and learning to not let things that other people say, bother me. We all learned the sticks and stones in elementary school, we might as well practice what we were taught. When it comes to my blog, I have been told so many times that what I write  is offensive, or hurtful, or rude or mean. Frankly, I really don’t care. I also will not make this blog post to say the usual “it’s my blog, I’m going to say what I want” because I seem to say that a lot recently. But it is my blog, and I WILL say what I want.When it comes to my weight, I’ve been called every name imaginable, a pig, an oaf (I don’t even know what that means, it just sounds fat) lazy, dumb, stupid… everything.

The fat girl who used to be me, used to let people walk all over her. Used to be the person that cared too much what other people thought. I used to be so self conscious, I would bury myself in food because I didn’t want anyone to criticize me (look how that backfired, and look how far it got me! When someone insulted me, I would take it, and walk away without fighting back. Who does that? Who just takes that. Over the last nine months, I have learned to stand up for myself, and I have especially learned that the people who criticize, are the ones who have the most deep rooted issues. You see, friendly people of the blogging world, my so-called deep rooted issues, aren’t so deep. I’m not hiding anything, I’m not keeping anything a secret, or leaving it up to anyones imagination. I’m me, and shesjustpleasantlyplump.com is who I am! I say everything that comes to mind, every feeling, every emotion I have. I write it down. I truly believe that this has made me a stronger person and made me who I am today. Being able to openly discuss my struggles, and be comfortable enough to share my stories, and to share how I feel makes me a better person than anyone who has ever called me a name.

Whether it be someone on the street, a friend, a boss, whoever. People say hurtful things because they want to feel better about themselves. I’m no angel. I’ve spoken terribly about some people; but I will admit that the reasoning for that is because I’m masking something, and hiding other emotions. I’m not going to pull the Bully card out and feel bad for myself. I don’t choose to be bullied by those around me.

I use this post as one to stand up to those mean people. So here it goes, I don’t swear, so I will try to be as mean and tough as possible. To the people who are demeaning, and make you feel useless and worthless, screw you. To the people who sit behind their computer screens, and be bullies through e-mail or other social media avenues, screw you. To the people who choose to only see the bad in you, and the people who choose to believe that you’re nothing more than just a living thing, screw you.

 

I have made something of myself, and I have come so far. If you don’t like me, goodbye.

I’m Missing My Chef Hat


There are two things that I really like. Food, and friends. I also really enjoy cooking for friends. Let me get to the point. I like baking. I love standing in my hell hole of a kitchen in my hell hole of an apartment, wearing an apron and chef hat. I bake. I can bake cookies, and muffins, and cakes, and puddings, and everything a fat kid can imagine. I bake deliciously.  When I bake, I feel like a wizard with a caldron. I throw ingredients all over the place, I sing, I splash, I make a mess… I love it! As much as I love the baking process, I don’t  love to eat my baked goods, but I sure do  love to share them. I share them on Instagram and go #hashtag crazy, and I also share them with friends.

I guess in my weight loss journey, if I bake for everyone, and everyone else around me gets a little more juicy and plump, then I’ll look even better even sooner. Calm down everyone, just a joke! I’m losing weight, while baking! Let’s face it, I can’t eat them. As much as I would like to, I am well aware that if I did,  someone would find me shaking on the floor, with my slow beating heat, and chocolate dripping down my face.

Eating cookies and cakes aren’t for me. I enjoy baking, and I find it extremely relaxing. Everyone around me can enjoy my sugary, buttery treats, and I will enjoy my apple.

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Chocolate Cake, Milk Chocolate Icing,  A Crap Ton of M&M’s all surrounded by 12 Kit Kat Bars

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It’s A Girl Cookies! Sugar Cookies. Sugar, Butter (Margarine), Flour, Love, Food Coloring

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Chocolate Cupcakes, Cream Cheese Icing, Sprinkles, Chocolate Chips. Yum .

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Shortbread Cookies With Chocolate Drizzle… low fat chocolate, doesn’t really make a difference at this point.

I Feel Pretty


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I figured something out today, and again, it’s going to sound mucho cocky. I came to the realization that everything about me is amazing. I got the “fat genes” because I had everything else going for me. I had the looks, the personality, the humor,  the brains, and the whatever else is amazing that most people don’t get. I got the fat because I couldn’t have everything, right? Who would want to be friends with someone who had absolutely everything going for them? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

Along with the fat, came the lack of confidence. So I was lacking two things that the other kids already had. But whatever. I feel great now, and I’m so happy with  how far I’ve come.

On the confidence note, this morning I went to the gym, it was 7:00 am. (What the hell was I thinking? Had I absolutely lost my mind? Well, I lost that years ago, but whatevs, right?) Anyway, so even though it’s 7:00 am, I should still have even the tiniest bit of energy in my oh-so-large body, I look over at myself in the mirror at my sexy Zumba dance moves, and then look over to Bubby Yetta on my right. This bubby was moving in all sorts of ways imaginable, while I’m standing there on the side looking like a seizing squirrel doing the funky chicken. I don’t like to dance like a normal person because I’m always afraid that my belly rolls are going to pop out of my shirt and I’m actually going to look like something died in pants and I’m just moving in all sorts of stupid ways looking like a moron. Anyway, I immediately get this sudden burst of energy, after seeing this bubby. Well, it wasn’t exactly a burst of energy, it was more of an embarrassment thing, because I want to be dancing better than a 93 year old lady. But I shouldn’t hate, GO YETTA!

Anyway, my hard work paid off and I need a leg massage. Any takers?

I Was NOT Born To Dance


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Being a hefty kid, I never really liked to do anything… I was lazier than lazy, if there is such a thing. I didn’t like sports, or to move in any funky ways because I was clumsy in everything I did. I would walk into walls, trip on my feet, look aimlessly into space and ram into strangers everywhere I turned. Anyway, since I was getting chubbier by the day, when I was ten I guess, my mom thought it would be a good idea to enroll me in a dancing class with Rhoda-Clarice and Fanny Wood. Rhoda and Fanny were able to move in all fantastic ways while I would take just one step and hit someone in the face with my giant arms. My presence was always so large. Maybe it was because I was standing in between my two friends, and I was still one foot taller than them– combined. It wasn’t fair. I did not realize my own size and to this day, I can’t dance. Turns out dance class didn’t turn out well for me, as when they gave the diplomas, they put everyone ahead, and instead of holding me back a grade of dancers, they put me with the 5-6 year olds. Maybe that’s why I have no confidence with my dancing?

I went to Zumba last night, and Helga was in my brain thinking of excuses not to go to class. Marg kept asking me if everything was ok. I wish she wouldn’t have, because then I wouldn’t have had time to think of an excuse to get me out of class. HOWEVER, I finished the entire class, and I felt so good! I didn’t even go home and eat a cheeseburger, I ate healthy.

Sometimes I wish Beyoncé would come over and teach me how to dance like her. Damn that girl can moooooove.

No Amount of Plastic Surgery Can Fix Your Hideous Personality


I may be significantly overweight, but three things I can say about myself, are that I’m beautiful, (not just a pretty face), selfless, and a great friend. Growing up, I always wanted to be the cool kid because I was so abnormally large. I wanted to do what the cool kids did. I had this friend once, (who backstabbed me one too many times, and I’ll probably get a Facebook Friend Delete after this post) and we would sneak out of our houses at 3:00 am to go eat greasy fattening food. It’s like I was asking to get fatter. Overnight, I had ballooned, and no idea how it happened; well I did, but I was in denial. Anyway, while I’m eating all this greasy food, I’m trying to fit in wearing these low cut belly shirts- LITERALLY BELLY, not the sexy kind, and tight jeans that would cut off my circulation. Not only was I not fitting in with the cool crowd, the nerds even started to look at me with funny faces.

People can go on diets, lose weight, get surgery, but- none of this will make them a better person or change them from being an evil conniving b!@#$. I am a good person, and a good friend, and when I decide for real that I want to lose this weight once and for all, I will, and remain the same person I have always been.