Sharing Is Not Caring


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I like to think of myself as a nice person, and a very caring and generous person as well. Since my stomach has dramatically decreased in size, those around me will notice that I love to share the meals and snacks that I cannot finish. It kind of feels nice that I can do that now, because I was always the fat girl picking off other peoples plates, when they were “full”. Anyway, aside from being dandy and sweet and nice and caring, my super sweet self just happens to get annoyed once in a while. People who chew with their mouths open, gum crackers, stinky people etc can make me go bonkers, and I absolutely lose it. What also is really beginning to bug me, is when people hover over me and watch what I eat. Dude, if you just back off and let me enjoy my delicious food in peace, I will give you my leftovers- as long as you are patient and understanding, because it takes me a damn long time to eat and enjoy my meal. And also Sir, may I add that when you make  comments like “that looks yummy” or “that smells great” or “I bet that’s mighty delicious in your mouth”, it makes me want to throw the food at your face, rather than share it with you.

The moral of this story, is that, I will give you my leftovers. I will feed you all day long. But please, let me eat in peace. I only get to enjoy three ounces of food per meal, so at least give me that.

The Fat Game


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Being skinny would just be too easy right? Like, eating double cheeseburgers with an extra Big Mac on the side, and not working out would just make my life extremely boring? I seem to think so. With this whole new way of life thing going on, it’s kind of like a crazy game. I’m going to eat one thing and see if it makes me fat the next day. Then I go to the gym, and it’s like I’m in pain from one squat. But it’s a fun game. Being skinny and not having to work for anything would just be boring. It’s also really fun when someone hasn’t seen you in a while and all they do is say “hey, wow sexy fit girl, you look amazing” and then I feel great, because I like a confidence boost every once in a while. I actually like a confidence boost all the time, but we don’t always get what we want.

This gramatically incorrect paragraph above, which really makes no sense, is not me hating on skinny people. More power to you if you can eat a chubby chicken burger and not gain a pound. But doesn’t it get boring? I’m getting off track and I’m being mean. Skinny people are people too. I’m just jealous but their amazing genes.

I should stop my fat thumbs from talking because I’m beginning to ramble about nothing now.

A (Sort Of) Apology To Skinny Girls


My Auntie Manny Ginger and I went to the casino this weekend, and on the way there she mentioned to me that I sounded a little angry and jealous  at skinny people. I just want to clarify that skinny people are not my problem. I do not hate skinny people, and I hold nothing against you for having great genes. Thank your parents and your family for that. I am jealous of the image you give off as being such carefree happy people with no worries in the world. She was right though, when I said I was jealous, that’s true. I wish I was happy with myself, but I’m not. Hopefully this surgery will help me at not being such a bitter person, and not blaming all the skinny people for my problems. I love food, and I brought this upon myself. I am using this surgery as a tool to help me to learn to love me! Christina Hane told me wise words from Whitney: the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself. I know this journey will be rough and tough, and very hard. This surgery is not an easy way out, but it’s a tool that will help me succeed because I have struggled for twenty five years on my own.

All this being said, this doesn’t mean that “A Note to Skinny Girls” will end, or my ranting about skinny people will stop. I still will. I will always be jealous, but I can’t wait to make everyone else jealous of me.

A Note To Skinny Girls


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Dear Skinny Girls,

I’m sorry that I’m mean to you and say mean things. I’m sorry that I say things that hurt your feelings. You just got blessed with the lucky genes, and my mother married a ferocious beast who was a jolly giant, and I got his genes. I shouldn’t be taking my problems out on you. You are all nice people. Well most of you- except for the ones that complain that they’re ten pounds too heavy while they’re eating a super bacon deluxe cheeseburger supreme. Anyway, I’m sure one day I will grow out of this 25 year fad, and become the skinny, healthy princess I have always wanted to be. All my fairytale dreams will come true, and I will live in fairytale land with my fairytale husband, and kids and mansion and fairytale chocolate fountain.

This year will be my year, and I know that I am ready to accomplish anything when it comes to my weight loss. I will sit with the skinny girls at lunch and complain about how fat I am, and I will love it.

 

Signed,

Fat girl for now.