Guilt Free Dinners


So, as it is quite obvious, Donald and I love to eat. Maybe not Donald, I should just speak for myself-but I love to eat. Recently, I noticed that every morning, I would wake up, and feel especially heavy. I didn’t know what it was. I decided that maybe Donald and I should stop eating carbs at night to see what happens. I tried it out, and I think it worked..I mean, I’m still fat, so I still feel heavy when I wake up, but not as much as I did before. There have been so many healthy alternatives, and to be honest, I really feel like I’m one of those California moms who makes those green healthy choices. I feel like I should go out and buy myself a prius now!

There have been such amazing healthy alternatives! Instead of mashed potatoes, we do my all time new favorite, of cauliflower mashed patates… SO GOOD! It tastes just like the real thing. Except I made it for the first time three weeks ago, and I used three gloves of garlic, and I swear I could have murdered someone with my death breath.Pasta is always fun, but sometimes it gets boring and fills you up and you’re not really satisfied. I am in love with spaghetti squash. Not sure what it is. They’re like really crunchy noodles that are easy to slurp. It’s also fun when there’s no pots and pans to clean up so that’s a big plus! I also use quinoa instead of rice now. I like quinoa because it’s really fun and tasty and I also find them quite interesting. They’re grains, and extra grainy and so the little pieces get stuck in my mouth and I have desert for later. (Don’t judge, I’m not the only one out there). We’re also all about really spicy food now! I will drench everything I have in hot sauce and chili peppers. I’m not sure if this is a fact, or a made up thought in my crazy head, but I strongly believe that if I burn my insides with spicy foods, then I am also burning the fat and the food is just burning right through me. I’m not a doctor, or a cook, so I really don’t know, but you can trust me!

I’ve decided to share my cauliflower mashed potato recipe for people that want to be healthy and have stinky breath!

– 1 giant head of cauliflower

– 2 gloves of garlic (if you want to go crazy, and planning on being alone, use 3)
– 1/2 small white onion

– salt and pepper

– teensy bit of margarine

– splash of milk (I use skim because it’s the right thing to do)

Boil your cauliflower, make sure it’s mushy. Once it’s fully cooked and the water has spilled over and made a mess all over your brand new stove, take all the water out and put all the ingredients into a food processor. You can use a blender but then it gets messy and it doesn’t always cut the small pieces, and it’s just a pain in the a-s-s. Once you mix it all together, put it on your plate, and enjoy! Voila! Guilt free mashed potatoes.

For more recipes, check out my Instagram, I love taking pictures of my food!

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Just Say No To Cake, or Just 6 Bites!


Yesterday was my birthday, and the rest of the week is birthday week. In honor of birthday week, I gave myself the opportunity to go nuts. Well not really, because I didn’t eat the entire piece of cake. I guess I’m starting to see how this whole smaller stomach thing is working. I’ve trained myself to not finish the last bite, and to not eat until I want to throw up and die. My mom, for the first time ever, encouraged me to eat cake. She bought me my most favorite ice cream cake in the world. Mint Chocolate Chip. Just thinking about it kind of makes me want some more. I tasted it, had a couple of bites, and then was able to tell myself when to stop. I think that was my biggest accomplishment, and best birthday present to myself. Today at work, we had cake again for me, because I’m really special and people like to spoil me. I had Carrot Caramel Cheesecake. This cake is so delicious it needs its own blog post, but I won’t do that, because it’s an extremely fat thing of me to do. Anyway, this cake was the perfect combination of cheesecake and carrot cake. I ate six little bites. I savored each bite, and then I gave the rest of my leftovers to someone who was 2 pounds soaking wet and needed it more than I did.

I’m expecting candles in at least one meal per day until Sunday, considering this is birthday week. So far, I have accomplished a lot by not finishing the cake. It’s never the last bite, and at the end of the day, who needs an entire piece of cake– my fat bum sure doesn’t!

She’s Just Pleasantly Complaining


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I wish I understood why some people “absolutely love to work out”. Like seriously, for you people that love the brutal pain that comes with it everyday, I have a lot of questions for you. Let’s sit down and talk about it over a large bowl of chocolate brownie ice cream with whipped cream, k thanks. Last night, I went in for my weekly crossfit routine. Ugh, just thinking about it just gives me the chills. My Crossfit boyfriend (well he’s not really my boyfriend, we just have a secret love affair that no one knows about. Except it’s not really a love affair, he just pushes me to work out, and I really like the positive encouragement) is super nice to me, and really pushes me to work out as best I can. Celeste and I really get a kick out of it when he mentions that it’s not a squat unless it’s “ASS TO MAT!”. Ugh, I’m getting the chills again just thinking about last night– not in a good way. After I left class yesterday, I was so happy that I had accomplished it. Walking up the stairs was quite the challenge, but I thought that it would get better. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

So here it goes, if you will not attend an ice cream binge session with me,  I have a lot of questions for you, Gym Mice…

1) Do you like not being able to sit down on a toilet regularly? Like does it feel good when you need to hold on to the walls, and sit down slowly like you’re about to lose your legs?

2) Do you sometimes fantasize about cutting off your legs? I do. Like today. Everytime I get up, I walk like there’s a dead cat up my bum.

3) Is it normal to sweat from parts of my body that I didn’t know existed? I have found new places on my body that are very new to me. In those places, I find puddles of sweat, hope this is normal, because to be honest, I’m really not in the mood to wait in my doctors waiting room again.

Now, I know that working out is fantastic, and it really helps with the weight loss journey, HOWEVER, these three questions are specifically directed at the people who like to be in daily pain! I’m just a confuzzled ball of fat, so can someone please answer my three teeny tiny questions?

Above, was the angry fat girl complaining. Now, the healthier me is talking and damn I hate that pain but I know it’s worth it in the end. I wish I could go to Crossfit every day, but like you know, I’m not Bill Gates or anything. I’ve decided that I will start a charity for the poor, and unhealthy like me. Donations for Crossfit For The Pleasantly Plump and Pleasantly Poor , can be sent directly to me.

Today Is The Fourth!


One thing I’ve realized, is that you’re not truly ready to do something until you’re ready to do it for yourself. When I started on my diets fifteen years ago, I only did them to make my mom or the rest of my family proud. It makes sense that in the end, all of these diets were sabotaged, and I ended up ballooning instead of shrinking.

From February 4th 2013, I made it my mission, that everything I did, I would do it for myself. If I wasn’t serious about doing it for myself, then it ultimately wouldn’t happen. While I love each and every persons support, and it means so much; I now realize that I’m not doing this to please other people. I am doing this to make myself happy.

I have never been more happy than I have been today. I can finally say that I love myself, that I am happy when I look in the mirror, and that I wouldn’t change a thing about me. If I had to stay where I was today, at 208 pounds, then fine; let it be. I’m healthier than I’ve been in forever, I’m happier, and I have a reason to wake up every morning.

I am tired of trying to please others. I’m happy I took the time to do it for myself, because look who’s smiling now.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall


I don’t have control. I cannot stop myself from doing anything. I have a highly addictive personality. Since giving up food, I have become obsessed with scratch cards. I sit at home like a sad old cat lady and scratch cards and play on my TV dinner table, while I pet my dog. This happens every weeknight. Today I bought lunch, and while I tried to eat as much as I could, I found myself ready to puke in my bowl. Why was I trying to do this to myself? Why was I trying to fill up my pouch to its full capacity? Why am I trying to sabotage something, when I worked so hard to get it in the first place? I’m not trying to do these things, it’s all subconscious, but I need to take responsibility for my actions. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that you had weight loss surgery, sometimes it’s easy to fall head over heels in love with your food, and want to shovel it down until you feel sick. Sometimes, though, it goes too far.

Mothers, dentists, doctors, turn away because you’re not going to want to hear what’s coming next. I have made myself so sick to the point that I throw up. Regularly. My teeth have begun to rot, and are now turning black and have stain all over them. Sometimes I need to stop and ask myself if the food is really worth it? Is the food really worth my gorgeous $4000 smile?  Is the food really worth my life. I need to put down the fork and tell myself enough is enough.

I like food. Food is fun. Food is not my friend. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve told myself that food is not the enemy, and that we need food to live not live to eat food. I can tell myself that crap over and over again, but it still won’t change my old habits.

The only thing that actually helps me is looking in the mirror, and noticing a difference, and being able to walk up the stairs and not be out of breath, to take Genius for a walk and want to go for a thirty minute walk, instead of a thirty second walk. When I can complete a class of Crossfit, I want to continue putting down the fork at the right time,  I want to look in the mirror and feel confident.

Crossfit Is Not The Devil


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Mondays are the days that Celeste and I visit Crossfit together. Walking into class, I was reminded of my terrible past as a child, while seeing grown adults sweat and struggle, hanging on bars. This reminded me of the days when all the other kids were doing the monkey bars and I would just sit there patiently and wonder what it would be like to hang from this metal structure. I was never able to fully get myself up there, or hold myself up for that matter. I had all these friends who were able to do baby Yoga while hanging on one leg; their parents must have been creepy old gymnast people I guess.

Actually, now that I think about it, Crossfit is all about being up bad childhood pasts. Like every time before class, I need to do 300 skips with a skipping rope. I don’t do skipping rope, ok? I look over to the side and there’s this beast-looking-woman skipping away, not breaking a sweat like she has absolutely no care in the world. She needs friends. I got off topic, I was talking about my childhood… I remember in elementary school there was this game; “Cinderella, Cinderella dressed in yellow.. ” whatever, I think Cinderella died at the end of that song. However, I don’t remember,  I never made it to the end of the song, because I was always disqualified for tripping on the jump rope. Kids were mean.

There are these big oversized, scary looking ropes that hang in the gym. These really intimidate me, and I hope that one day I will never have to go up them. I remember in elementary school there was this girl who was able to climb up the rope in 0.2 seconds, and I was still at the bottom struggling to even get off the ground. I never want to use the ropes, ropes aren’t for fun. Why don’t we just use the stairs?

As scared as I may be of Crossfit, it’s also the greatest workout of my life, I have never pushed myself so hard, I always have a good time, except yesterday, the trainer was eating something delicious while we were working our asses off, how rude. Celeste and I purchased another 10 classes. Here we go again!

No More Cravings


I want chips. No I don’t. Yes I do. No I don’t. No I don’t. Chips aren’t even that good. If I really wanted something delicious, I would go for something greasy, like Pad Thai. I never thought I would say this, but most of my cravings are actually going away. Instead of thinking of a particular food in my head for hours, and making it my mission to get it, I just move on and think of the next thing. It’s very strange to me, but I’m enjoying this new life of mine.

By the way, my post on Thursday was maybe just a tad bit cryptic. I really do like Beyonce, and just wanted her to know how much I loved and appreciated her. I’m not a single lady, and I don’t need a ring on it. I need to love me more before I can start thinking about my future. That’s all.