Bread….Warm Buttery Bread


bread

Growing up, I was never allowed to touch the bread at restaurants. You know the delicious hot bread that comes with butter at the beginning of most meals? It’s the bread that comes to the table, when you’re at your hungriest. As a child…well from eight years old, until today, I was always taught that bread was the enemy, and even looking at it would make me gain weight. I would watch with envy, and with drool coming out of my mouth , while my petite brother (sorry D) would chomp away at the tasty bread…with butter. Even before it hit the table, Ronnie Ginger would give me the eyes, making me aware that she was watching me, and that bread was MY enemy. When I became older and started going to restaurants with friends, I began to eat the free bread because no one was watching or judging. Little did I know that with each bite, I’d be blowing up a little more each time. On Donald’s first encounter with Ronnie Ginger, when he was just an innocent little boyfriend, taking his new girlfriend on dates, she nicely warned him that when he takes me out to restaurants, that I was not permitted, under any circumstances to eat the bread. She said this because I loved it so much…so she thought! Just to be clear, I don’t even like bread, I find bread to be dry, and boring and really just a waste of space. If I’m going to eat bread, I’m going to make it worth it- like a grilled cheese or French toast, but just plain bread doesn’t do it for me. The reason I became so aggressive as a child when I was refused the free bread at the table, was only because I was never allowed to have it. People always want what they can’t have, right? (I wasn’t allowed a lot of things apparently).

The thing with me and bread though, is that, bread is free, and it comes with most meals in America, and some parts of Canada. If it’s free, I like it, because I like good value. On the other hand, the whole reason why we’re going to a restaurant is because we’re hungry. If the polite waiter asks if I would like some free hot bread, and I’m hungry, and he places it right in front of me-then I’ll have a bite. I’m not going to eat an entire freaking basket of bread… this is because

1) I’m not an animal

and

2) I physically can’t keep in an entire load of bread

The moral of the story is, don’t deprive yourself. If you deprive yourself for your entire life, then one day you’ll eat an entire basket of bread, and wake up 50 pounds heavier.

Go ahead, have a bite, just a little bite.

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Nervous Nelly


As nervous as I am about my upcoming surgery. I think what I am most nervous about is what I’m going to look like afterwards. I know I have to get one of those shower caps on my head right before; so I’ll probably look like a funky troll. But then what happens after when I’m all groggy and makeup-less. Who am I kidding though, I’m usually makeup-less but it’s because I’m just a supermodel. Anyway, I hope when all my visitors come to see me (I know there will be a lot, send me your info, I will let you know my room number) that my hair and makeup are done perfectly. Too bad Donald Chow doesn’t know how to put my makeup on for me.

On a more serious note, I think I am a little nervous, because I don’t want the doctors to have to cut me open. I have been working so hard at this liquid diet. I mean, so hard that I had to move back in with Ronnie Ginger for a week, so she could “babysit” me through my diet– now THAT’S dedication! I’m thirteen pounds down in just eight days. Who knew this liquid diet would help me lose an entire butterball turkey off my body!

Anyway, 4 Days!

My Name is Hillary, I Am A Foodaholic


My name is Hillary. I am addicted to food.Yes, food is my addiction. Laugh all you want! I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself while everyone around me is eating greasy fried food and birthday cake, while I am sipping on vomit milkshake. I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself. I should be happy that I was given this opportunity for surgery, that most people are never able to even dream of.

I moved in with my mom and brother this week, just to ensure that someone would be on my case watching my every move. While I thought everyone would want to spend time with me, and ask me about my diet, I was surprised to find out that the moment I got there they all ran out of the house. It was like I smelled like cabbage soup or something. Who knows. Anyway, so last night while I’m at my moms house, I go into her fridge, because she always has the best food. I am so ready to cheat and to sneak a little chocolate here, and maybe a piece of cheese. One piece of cheese won’t kill me right? As I go to get it, Genius looks at me. I know I don’t NEED this cheese, I close the door and I was so proud of myself that I was able to walk away. Food is an addiction. It’s hard to just stop eating all together. Food has been part of my life forever. This is like some sick trick the doctors are playing – “hey fat girl, I know you love food, stop eating”. This will all be worth it in the end.

Just so everyone is clear, the reason for this detox liquid diet, is because the surgery is done laparoscopically (that’s how you spell it, I googled it). So because of this, they want to make sure my liver is small so they don’t need to cut me open. If I eat food while on this liquid diet, my liver will be too big and then they’ll have to cut me open when I have the surgery and I’ll have this gross ugly scar that I don’t want.

On another note, something I should have realized a long time ago- we need food to survive, we don’t need it all the time for no reason.

A Note To Skinny Girls


Hey Skinny Girls,

Are you ready to have a new friend soon? I don’t understand the skinny girls that can go all day just drinking a tea and saying they’re not hungry.  I really thought I was going to pass out yesterday for eating nothing but vomit smelling protein shakes, but I did it. Nine days to go! I hope that when I start losing weight that skinny girls won’t be mad at me for all the horrible things I said about them. I know that I will wear a Canada Goose jacket too, and I’ll be a lot colder next year because I won’t have any layers of fat to protect me. One thing I can promise plump girls everywhere, is that I will not be the type of skinny healthy girl that complains how ugly I feel or how much I really need to lose weight.

So far, on day three of liquid diet, I am four pounds down! Each day I am getting more and more friendly and less like a grumpy hungry girl.

Love Always,

Soon to be skinny healthy girl

Shut Up Food Eaters


This liquid diet sucks. Shut up everyone, telling me it’s the first day to the rest of my life I’m trying to smile but I’m miserable. I am fat, I need food. I have pains in my stomach, and I’m tempted to cut off my tummy and start eating that. I can grill it with some garlic and saltless seasonings, that’s on my diet, right? I know it will be worth it someday, but right now I think I am entitled to be an angry, rude, hungry brat. If you don’t like, don’t read my blog, don’t call me. (I could use a phone call though, I’ve been a little lonely). Also Morris Levinstein says that I should inform everyone of the pain I feel. It feels a little bit like there is a baby porcupine sitting inside my stomach rolling around inside me and poking me. Damn porcupine.

Also, I would appreciate if people around me would stop eating and stop telling me that I should have some cake. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I NEED CAKE? I don’t think I have ever gone this long food-less. I mean, I am proud of myself for making it through 30 hours. I’m hoping I can make it to 264 hours…. that’s all that’s left until the surgery.

Grandma Gilly and Papa Zack


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Last night I went to visit my Grandma Gillian and Papa Zack. I’m so lucky to have grandparents. Grandma Gillian really knows how to make a fat girl feel fat. I also just want to mention, that she reminded me she didn’t call them $5 Sugar Coffees, she actually called them $5 Boutique Coffees. Anyway, while FaceTime-ing with the entire family, she turns the camera over to me and says “Take a look, this is the last time you will see Fat Hillary. Say goodbye”. I guess at a certain age, you lose your filter and you’re allowed to say whatever you want. Papa Zack is the nicest man on this planet. He would do anything for his grandchildren, mostly for me– because I know I’m his favorite (Sorry M, J, C, A, R, D) 

So since Grandma Gilly told me this was the first day to the rest of my life since I started my liquid diet (DISGUSTING), she said I should take some before and after pictures. Any advice on these pictures? Should I do it Biggest Loser style, or just wear clothes that are extremely tight and make me look like a jolly giant. 

A New Beginning


I feel so happy that I was able to share my news with everyone. I thought it would be more embarrassing than anything. But, to my surprise, I got nothing but support from everyone around me. People I haven’t spoken to in weeks, months, years wished me good luck and much success on this new chapter of my life. 

It’s crazy to think that I’m getting a second chance. Who knows how much more I could have taken, before I ballooned enough to be like Violet from Willy Wonka. With the doctors cutting out my stomach, it’s kind of like a new beginning. I’m starting off like a baby again. The first couple of weeks it’s liquid, soon after, purees, and then I can slowly start on the solid food a couple of months later. Speaking of liquid, I start this liquid diet on Wednesday! I’m more scared than anything because I don’t trust myself to not go to the fridge, and sneak a little something here and a little something there. 

I have enjoyed my last weekend of solid food. Actually, I shouldn’t say that. I will be able to eat solid food again, however, in decent sized portions, which is something I have never done before. Christina Hane and I went out for Chinese this weekend. It was a GoodBYE to food. I have never felt so sick in my life, and I don’t think i will ever eat Chinese again. 

 

Anyway, I’m beginning to rant…