D Is For Doritos


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Doritos. Do I need to say more? Doritos are the cheesiest, crunchiest delicious little triangles of goodness. Seriously, no chip does it for me other than a Dorito. Also, who can really sit down and eat just one Dorito. They are all so perfectly traingularly shaped. Doritos have the perfect amount of cheese to crunch ratio. The cheese doesn’t taste like that cheap stuff, but I know that it is. There’s this kick to it that is kind of spicy, but then you take a moment to think about it, and it’s not spicy. It’s a magic tortilla crisp. I’m salivating and feeling fatter as I write this.

Yesterday was my first encounter with a family sized Coscto style bag of Doritos since surgery. I said hello, smelled it, and then I licked it. After licking it, I proceeded to bite its head off and really just enjoy the hell out of it. It being one chip, no, I shouldn’t lie– I had four chips. I didn’t feel guilty, even though my mommy would probably want me to be angry that I ate those four little triangular cheesy taste munchers.

Anyway, I’ll enjoy munching on my pickle for now. See you next summer Mr.Dorito.

Cake


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Cake does not like me. Cake does not want to be my friend. Cake is a clingy boyfriend that will stick onto you and never let you go. I have decided that Cake and I are no longer able to be acquaintances. Cake is a life ruiner. Cake makes me happy for a little bit and then makes me feel fat and yucky five minutes after eating it. There is no “I” in CAKE, therefore I will separate myself from the evil beast.

Walking away from cake feels better than eating it.

It’s All About The Cheese


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I love cheese. Not a fan of stinky cheese, or the soft cheese, or kraft cheese really (Genius loves Kraft Cheese) Anyway. I like cheese. The end. Cheese is a scary weapon that can kill a fat person. Skinny people will eat cheese too, but at some point, they’re able to stop. I can go and buy an entire block of cheese and eat it in one sitting. I like cheese melted, cold , warm , hard , not soft, not stinky. I’m also madly in love with cheese flavored snacks. Low fat, no fat, partly skim, and skim cheese give a yucky taste in my mouth. I’ve decided that it’s fat cheese or no cheese!  Giving up cheese will be quite hard for me in my quest for weight loss. However, the outcome will be amazing.