Karma Is A Runt



As most people know already, I have no patience. I have absolutely no patience for stupid people, for annoying people, or even for rainbows and butterflies. I especially do not have patience for the people who ask me for food while I am sitting peacefully enjoying my deliciousness. My food is my food people. Didn’t your Mommy pack you a lunch today? Ridiculous that I need to pack my delicious lunch for you to harass me while I eat it.

Backtrack like fifteen years when I was in elementary school. My mom packed me the best lunch ever that had Dunk-A-Roos , and everyone would sit by my desk and watch me eat them. Like people seriously. Enough already. At least ask me for a trade, and then maybe then I’ll consider. But if you just want a bite, I’m not giving it up so easy. However, looking back, I think it’s karma. When I was in grade 1, the teacher punished me for pressing the buttons on the computer in the library. She told me to stand outside in the corner. While I was standing outside, I noticed a lunchbox just sitting there with no ones name on it. I decided to be curious, and open this lunchbox. Rummaging through, I saw an apple, pudding, tomato sandwich (ew) and then  I saw RUNTS. You know those treatsy candies shaped like fruits and stain your tongue? Ya, those! I figured since this box of treats was just hanging out, with no name and no owner, that I would take the runts and eat them. Now that I think about it, it was ever since that day that people come and ask me for my food.

To the little girl or boy who those Runts belonged to. I am sorry, if you tell me who you are, I will buy you another box, just to make this nightmare of people asking me for bites to go away. Please accept my apologies.

Being Healthy

I’m trying really hard to be healthy. I got one of those lunchboxes that helps in like making a huge salad, and a small spot for a pigeon sized protein portion, and a small carb area, its like a cool little lunchbox thingy. Anyway, I worked so hard on my lunch on Wednesday night. I packed it perfectly, weighed my meat,. measured my salad dressing.  I had italian, yuck, I like ranch. Anyway, I get on the metro yesterday morning all happy to be with my smart, healthy economical less than $5 lunch. As I walk into work I look down, and realize that my lunch is gone! Someone stole my lunch! I should stop blaming others though, really. I probably just left it there, and now the homeless man with his stomach hanging out snoring every morning is probably enjoying filet mignon with a small baked potato and a large salad with italian dressing. I hope you’re happy old man, I licked my fingers when I put it in there.