Nothing Fits Me


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Remember in Mean Girls, when nothing fit Regina because she was like so fat? Well, the opposite has happened to me HALLELUJAH!!!  I tried on a pair of my old jeans today, and I was swimming in them. The hoarder in me wants to keep them, because they’re brand name, but the smart girl in me is telling me that it’s best to get rid of them, because I never want to be that size again. So like, I’m in a really tough place right now. Also, I haven’t been able to see the floor of my closet since I moved into my own apartment in November; maybe I should reconsider throwing out all of my fat clothes. Someone help me!!!!

For the last month, I’ve been living off leggings. The same thing I was wearing each and everyday when I was a Hefty Helga. Not to sound crazy cocky or anything, but I have amazing legs, and leggings just happen to show off the one thing that I’ve got! 

I currently work in the fashion industry with people who are toothpick thin, I don’t hate them for it, I totally genuinely like them! Anyway, today, a miracle happened. I purchased the cool pants that EVERYONE in the office is wearing. I really feel like things are looking up, and changing for me. Also, might I add that they are a SIZE 30! I’m not wearing them like normal people do, at their waists, I’m only wearing them underneath my gluge, tire, stomach – whatever you want to call it, but I call it gluge. But, they still go up, and they fit. While trying my awesome pants  on with Lucinda  and Lolo Returners this afternoon, they both looked at me puzzled, and asked why I put my pants on without undoing the zipper and the button? I thought to myself “this is a strange question to ask, isn’t this the way pants are supposed to be put on?”. I realized, that my entire life, jeans have been a struggle and I’ve never been able to zip them up without doing the squiggly wiggly worm dance. I guess now, that I’m halfway to my goal weight, I can start zipping up pants like a normal young lady.

Do Your Pants Fall Down…


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Am I the only one that has this issue as a fat plump girl? I wear what I think is this really fun outfit, only to find that an hour into my day my pants are falling down and I look like a beluga whale picking them up every five seconds. In the winter it works out well for me, because I wear these long puffy jackets and really high boots. If my pants fall down no one will see, and in the case someone does see… too bad for them. I think it’s because I have a larger waist and no bum. I’m not sure what I prefer at this point. Anyway, when I wear these pants, which are most of the time leggings, because come on, they’re the easiest thing to put on and go with absolutely EVERYTHING… I can’t lift boxes, raise my arms up, or dance like an uncontrollable silly penguin.

So, the question remains…am I the only one that suffers from pants-fall-down-daily syndrome?