Sharing Is Not Caring


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I like to think of myself as a nice person, and a very caring and generous person as well. Since my stomach has dramatically decreased in size, those around me will notice that I love to share the meals and snacks that I cannot finish. It kind of feels nice that I can do that now, because I was always the fat girl picking off other peoples plates, when they were “full”. Anyway, aside from being dandy and sweet and nice and caring, my super sweet self just happens to get annoyed once in a while. People who chew with their mouths open, gum crackers, stinky people etc can make me go bonkers, and I absolutely lose it. What also is really beginning to bug me, is when people hover over me and watch what I eat. Dude, if you just back off and let me enjoy my delicious food in peace, I will give you my leftovers- as long as you are patient and understanding, because it takes me a damn long time to eat and enjoy my meal. And also Sir, may I add that when you make  comments like “that looks yummy” or “that smells great” or “I bet that’s mighty delicious in your mouth”, it makes me want to throw the food at your face, rather than share it with you.

The moral of this story, is that, I will give you my leftovers. I will feed you all day long. But please, let me eat in peace. I only get to enjoy three ounces of food per meal, so at least give me that.

Rubber Ducky, You’re So Fine.


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As a child, I remember thoroughly enjoying bath time. It could have been due to the fact that I was able to go swimming in my own effing house, or the fact that I was able to splash everywhere, thinking I was making a mess, but in reality, I was just helping with the cleanup. I remember this one time, when Duffy and I took a bath together, he pooped in the bathtub and then started to cry. I don’t think I was supposed to tell anyone that story. Happens to the best of us, sorry Duff!

Over the years, I’ve grown to not liking bath time so much. As hot as I make the water, I still end up freezing my little tush off. I could blame the size of the bathtub, however, I have decided to blame myself, for the first time ever. I can’t remember the last time my entire body was able to be submerged into a bath all at once. When I try though, I need to stick my legs in the air, and then try to dunk my whole body. That doesn’t really work out, because the second I need to get up, my bath becomes a giant wave pool and before I know it, my entire bathroom has been flooded- lets just say the Asian family below me isn’t so happy. This past weekend, I tried to do a little experiment, and try to figure out how to take a real bath like a real human being, and really enjoy myself. After a lot of thinking, pruney hands, and ice cold water, I had finally figured it out. The only way I was able to do this was to lay flat on my stomach with my arms by my side and dunk my head under water. This was a sight to be seen… or not. Getting up was a challenge, and took a good five minutes.

Instead of having goals for myself, like I want to wear this pair of jeans, or to lose five pounds, my goal for this year is to immerse my entire body in a bathtub and enjoy my bath like I used to as a child. Except, maybe I won’t invite my brother to take a poop.