Finally Fitting In


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OK, don’t hate me, but I’m going to get all mushy for a second. I was out last night with Donald and his coworkers; Carla, Mr. La Hyman, Willow, Adamo and Sasha. For the first time since I was able to like speak, I finally felt “normal”. I know, I know, there is no such thing as normal, and everyone is special in their own special way. No, whoever made that up (Oprah, probably you), you must have been on crack because weird people are weird, and enjoy hanging out with other weird people and don’t feel cool. Popular kids hang out with the popular people, and like to feel like they’re better than everyone else around them. Society made that up, not me. Don’t hate me because I speak the truth. KK, thanks! Ok so anyway, last night,  I totally just felt like I fit in, and I was making jokes and totally felt cool for like that night. I think I’m getting more comfortable with myself.

I hope Donald doesn’t get mad, but I totally saw this dude checking me out when we walked into the bar and he kept giving me googly eyes, and I was all like “yeah, I’m hot, I know it”. I won’t lie, but I totally had “I’m Sexy and I Know it” playing at the time this creeper was checking my hot bod out. Anyway, it boosted up my confidence level a bit, and now I’m totally excited to go out again and be the life of the party.

So when I was fat(ter), I was always super loud, and obnoxious and strange and made really odd sounds, and my mom thought that there was a kind of like, chemical imbalance in my brain. I went to doctors, and they all said the same thing. (I don’t remember, probably that I had ADHHHHHD or something). Dr. Me, has come to the conclusion that I was just masking the pain of being a fat girl. I would do so, by being a loud obnoxious “oaf”. So to try to get the attention off of my body, I would just try to be strange. Anyway, not sure where I’m going with this, but I’m totally able to be loud and obnoxious now, and do it just because I want to, and not because I’m fat and trying to cover being the Michelin Man.

Ps. Hey Skinny Girls,

I love you. We’re BFFAEAE.

xo

Soon-to-be Skinny Girl

I Heart Jewlidays


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As most people might know from my tone, and bad attitude towards food and my loud obnoxious demeanor – I am Jewish. I’m not  a JAP (Jewish American Princess…duh), because I never really fit into that category. I always wanted to bake and lick the raw  cupcake batter from the bowl instead of going to school dances to meet boys and do my makeup and fun stuff like that.

Anyway, this week is Passover. The week without bread. Every skinny girls dream when it comes to dieting, right? Last night, this huge feast is placed in front of me, and for the first time in like EVER, I didn’t put myself into a food coma like all the years before. I took a little bit of everything and I had a little taste test party, by myself while everyone else around me was eating as if it were their last meal on earth. Ronnie Ginger even sat next to me, and we conversated and talked about life and love and food. Fat Hillary wouldn’t let that happen, but New Hillary was all like, “come sit next to me Mama and watch me eat”. I kind of also felt like a superstar. Everyone was looking at me, and complimenting and saying how good I looked. Then there was question and answer period when everyone wanted to hear about ME, ME, ME! This is like a totally new feeling for me. Old me would be so insecure and think that people would always be watching and judging, but new me was the life of the party and I made sure everyone knew what I was doing, but most of all, knew that I was having a great time!

When desert came around, I raised my large arm and said “yes, I want one please”. No more deprivation; I didn’t go crazy, I had like two bites, I swear, it’s all about moderation!

I am the most comfortable I’ve been in so long, and I am so happy! Round Two tonight!