Confidence Boost


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Donald Cho will most probably not like this post. However, I think I should share with the world that I am quite happy that since surgery, due to the fact that I have been hit on quite a number of times. More times than I can imagine in my entire life. Now, these men who hit on me, are no Brad Pitt, most have at least four missing teeth, and I think only one of them knew how to say a full sentence in English.

Here are my encounters:

Waiting in the metro, this dude comes up to me, buck teeth and all. He looks me up and down and then with this grin, opens his mouth:

Weirdo: Dayuuuuuum Girl, you looking fiiiine. You got the Facebook?

Me: (German accent): Me, no book face, I no from country. Tank you

Weirdo: Girl, you know what I sayin’, you got the Facebook in Germany

Me: No no sir, No habla English.

 

Then maybe two days later, I see this odd looking thing. To be honest, I thought he was a homeless man asking me for change, so I tried to be nice. It turns out he was around fifty. I thought he was asking me if I had a tomato, but really he wanted my number.

Old Man: Hello Lady, you are looking quite fine tonight, can I have your tomato?

Me: I don’t have a tomato

Old Man: Can I have your number?

I casually walked away, because I didn’t want him to feel bad about the fact that I wasn’t interested in him or his tomato talk. He had this stench of beets coming from him, and I have a boyfriend. Like, get real sir. Also, maybe you should call your dentist, because something is really wrong up in there.

Two days ago, I was walking Genius in the alley. I know, I know, call me an idiot. I was asking for D’Shawn to start talking to me. No seriously, his name was D’Shawn, he told me as I was running away from him. Genius ran into an alley and I followed him there, because clearly I’m the genius. All of a sudden, this voice with no face hiding behind a car, starts talking to me and asking me personal questions about my life.

D’Shawn: Cute dog, what’s your name?

Me: Genius

D’Shawn: That’s a tough name for a cute little girl like you

Me: No, my dog is Genius. I don’t have a name

D’Shawn: Girl, where you livin?

Me: Nowhere

D’Shawn: I got an extra bed, wanna stay with me

Me: No

D’Shawn (as he follows me back to my apartment) Girl, don’t you walk away from me. I’m offering you shelter, for you and your dog for free.

Me: I’m cool bro.

Anyway, Genius and I walked two blocks away, and needless to say, I’ve been searching for a new apartment ever since. It’s been quite  week.

Guys, you’ve all been sweet! Thanks so much for boosting my confidence

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A Note To Mike Jeffies, You Nasty Skinny Slimebucket


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So I was recently stumbling through the internet, because sometimes I get bored of making myself laugh. So I’m clicking, and clacking, and then all of a sudden, Facebook goes crazy and all I hear is some crazy talk from some crazy old dude from Abercrombie & Fitch. Fridays posts are usually “A Note To Skinny Girls”. I’m going to change it up a little, and make this one “A Note To Mike Jeffries, You Nasty Skinny Slimebucket”

Before I go any further, I just need to say one thing to all girls and boys out there- Fat girls/boys, Skinny Girls/Boys, “Normal Girls/Boys”, Happy Girls/Boys, do not listen to this man. He does not deserve a voice, and he should not get any attention for his cruel actions. This is the kind of person that will try to tear you down to make you feel better about yourself. This man is cruel, and even and has a monstrous personality. We are better than this individual.

So this ugly Abercrombie executive dude says moronic things during this interviews and makes this dumb statement about “failing companies”: “Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either.” Excuse me sir, but correct me if I’m wrong. These companies “that are in trouble” are going to make ten times more sales than you ever will, especially after this dumb little stunt of yours. The oogly eyed old fart goes on to say “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong”.Just a little fun fact for you Mr. Jeffries, my entire life I have struggled to find out who I was, and struggled with weight loss. I have tried so hard to be that cool kid, I have tried so hard to be the attractive all-American (Canadian) kid. You my friend, are a bully. A bully is an individual who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. I assume no one has ever called you out on your looks? Lucky guy! You have done nothing to make your brand stand out, and  To be quite honest, I’m not sure how you’re one to judge. Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? If you want to go after peoples looks, then I guess it’s my turn to bash you. However, due to the fact that I am a stronger person, and I am a better person, and that I have respect, I won’t stoop down to your level. If you really mean it when you say “I don’t want our core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing our clothing.” , then maybe you should consider only making your clothes from sizes XXS-S. Normal people such as myself, shouldn’t be wearing your clothes then Mister.

This blog is my place to be open and honest about my weight loss. Yes, I may make fun of a skinny bitch here and there, but it’s all in good fun. This weight loss is for my health, and for disgusting individuals, such as you Mr. Mike Jeffries, you should be ashamed of yourself. Us “fat people” have feelings too. You are a discriminating piece of work and I curse the day you were born (I always wanted to say that). Your company had a good thing going, I really like the perfume, but I guess since I’m fat I shouldn’t be smelling like a skinny All-American kid, right? I am proud of myself, and where I have come. I am proud to weigh over 200 pounds, and I am proud to call myself pretty. I don’t need to shop at some high end, crappy quality store with prostitute looking models.

I wish you nothing but success on your future endeavors. Hey, just one question, what size do you take, jerk?

I Feel Pretty


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I figured something out today, and again, it’s going to sound mucho cocky. I came to the realization that everything about me is amazing. I got the “fat genes” because I had everything else going for me. I had the looks, the personality, the humor,  the brains, and the whatever else is amazing that most people don’t get. I got the fat because I couldn’t have everything, right? Who would want to be friends with someone who had absolutely everything going for them? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

Along with the fat, came the lack of confidence. So I was lacking two things that the other kids already had. But whatever. I feel great now, and I’m so happy with  how far I’ve come.

On the confidence note, this morning I went to the gym, it was 7:00 am. (What the hell was I thinking? Had I absolutely lost my mind? Well, I lost that years ago, but whatevs, right?) Anyway, so even though it’s 7:00 am, I should still have even the tiniest bit of energy in my oh-so-large body, I look over at myself in the mirror at my sexy Zumba dance moves, and then look over to Bubby Yetta on my right. This bubby was moving in all sorts of ways imaginable, while I’m standing there on the side looking like a seizing squirrel doing the funky chicken. I don’t like to dance like a normal person because I’m always afraid that my belly rolls are going to pop out of my shirt and I’m actually going to look like something died in pants and I’m just moving in all sorts of stupid ways looking like a moron. Anyway, I immediately get this sudden burst of energy, after seeing this bubby. Well, it wasn’t exactly a burst of energy, it was more of an embarrassment thing, because I want to be dancing better than a 93 year old lady. But I shouldn’t hate, GO YETTA!

Anyway, my hard work paid off and I need a leg massage. Any takers?

Pleasantly Perfect-ish


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You know you’re insanely bored when you start to stalk yourself on Facebook. I’m not ashamed to say that I did just that for the last fifteen minutes. Usually when I’m bored, I look up some awful persons profile that did me wrong in the past. I start at their first pictures from 2006-2007, when they were really thin and good looking, and believed in wearing makeup and grooming themselves. Then… I make way up to 2013. I giggle a bit, and start to feel super good when  I notice the majority of the pictures just keep getting worse and worse, and the grooming habits start showing less. I notice a lot more duckfaces and hiding behind walls and leaning over and stuff. I know the picture tricks, trust me, just look at my old 2007 pictures.

While Facestalking myself, I noticed that my pictures are going from gross to fantastic. Is it wrong that I keep staring at pictures of myself? Like, I actually think I’m beautiful, and my pictures really show how happy I am and not fake. By the way haters, I hope you’re looking at my page and going: ” damn girl, I was mean to that pretty little thang, now look at her…. mmhmmm”

I feel pretty.

This post is in no way to make other peoples misfortunes make me feel better about myself. I’m not a bully and wish happiness and butterflies for everyone. Everyone is special in their own special way.

O-M-G!


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I am now officially twenty days into this new lifestyle change, and have taken off 26 pounds. While that may be a whole lot of weight for a normal person, I don’t seem to notice much of a difference. However, last night something huge happened, out of this world huge! So I’m getting into bed, and before I do, I do my usual routine ; I brush my teeth, wash my face, get ready, then lastly, I get on the scale, check the mirror to see if I notice any changes. I didn’t really notice anything until I saw what I’ve been waiting forever for– MY COLLAR BONES ARE COMING IN! I swear, and it wasn’t like I needed to make a duckface Facebook picture from an awkward angle to get my collar bone to show. It was just there, naturally, without me trying. I could lie to everyone and say that I went to bed right away and didn’t make a big deal, but I’m no liar. I did a fashion show at 1:30 am to see which of my clothes would show off my new bony friends, and proceeded to google collar bones and then Facebook stalk some skinny girls. The slight visibility is not me saying I have lost all this weight, but I am just so thrilled and things are actually working. To all you “normal” people, having collar bones is probably just a normal thing and you don’t really care, and I’m sure you find a reason to hate them, like you hate everything else about yourself (sorry, fat girl is coming out again), but to me this is HUGE. I have never been more thrilled.

I need to go warm up some of Mama’s Homemade Pureed Soup….Yum!