It’s 10:00 AM And I Finished All My Snacks


Image

 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I like snacks. I am a snack queen, and I can snack all day. Some may diagnose me with grazing disorder, but I just think of myself as a hungry horse. Kidding, now is not the time to make fun of me, but I do like snacks.

Snacks come in all shapes, forms, tastes, colors and sizes. Due to the fact that my stomach is the size of a banana, large snacks don’t quite do it for me anymore. I have found that apples are not my friend, because they burn going down, and then just sit in my stomach like an unborn apple baby. Carrots aren’t good with me either. I’m mostly good with almonds and cheeses. I love cheese, don’t get me started on cheese. I like all cheese except for the stinky ones. Once it gets too smelly or mushy, it makes me really uncomfortable and I’m just off wanting cheese.

Enough about cheese, and more about me. I don’t know what’s happened, or why it’s happened. If I am bored at work, or if I am just bored in my brain, but when it comes to the morning, I need a snack every 30 minutes. I am always hungry. Of course, once I eat, the feeling goes away… I know all the doctors and nutitionists say that drinking water will make you feel less hungry. Can someone make water taste less boring? For all you nature people who are about to tell me how great water is for you, and all the nutirents blah blah, I already know these things. I’ve been home sick many times this year, and Dr. OZ has told me all about it. Water bores me. It tastes like wet air. When someone forces me to do something, I’ll do the exact opposite. I still haven’t gone back to Diet Pepsi which is my ex bff, but whatever.

Anyway, it’s early, I’m out of snacks, and now I have to deal with it. The vending machine man won’t be back today to feed me treats. I definitely don’t need any more of those.

 

Advertisements

#cleaneating


So lately, all I see on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, is people eating “clean” and “healthy”. I really don’t know what this means, but I have a pretty good idea. Clean eating; we should eat and drink windex, mr.clean, vim, right? I get it, no McDonalds, no Wendy’s, basically nothing fried? I kind of want to fit in, so I’m getting really annoying on all social media websites, and adding pictures of everything I eat, and the food I don’t finish. When it comes to taking my instagram shots, no matter the angle, or lighting, somehow my food pictures always manage to look like puke on a plate. However, I’ve managed to go along with the whole clean eating thing, and I can make a bagel and a hard boiled egg look fantastic!  I kind of feel good, and really happy that I’ve gotten through 2 days. I have to say though, I know I should feel great and really happy and more energized, but every time I walk by that unholy vending machine, I just want to stick my hand in and take one of those White Chocolate Kit Kat Bars. I’m still trying to figure out how to walk by it and not get Helga aroused.

I’m not going to lie, I kind of really enjoy packing lunches now. I feel like a Mommy preparing lunches for the kiddies, except it’s me packing my lunch full of snacks and different food merchandise. Healthy eating, and preparing can be a little fun, I guess!

I’m going to try this new fun thing where I add my daily menu to the blog, and see if that helps in motivating me.

Breakfast:

– 1/4 bagel

– 1 hard boiled egg

– 1 pcs. provolone cheese

Snack: (the best part of my day)

– Tuna & Crackers snack pack

Lunch:

– 3 oz. smoked turkey

– 15 almonds

– 1 cucumber

Afternoon Snack: (Second best part of my day)

– Activia Yogurt

– 100 Calorie Pack of Cookies

Dinner: (currently being crocked in the pot)

– meatballs stuffed with an insane amount of spinach in tomato sauce

 

I’m well aware that there’s a lot of food going on here, however, since my weight hadn’t moved in a long time, I decided to switch the diet up a bit to see if anything would change. Obviously the two snacks weren’t the greatest option, however, when I have lunch at 12, it’s easy to get hungry bored during the day. Between 1-5 those are my two snacks. It may be bad, but at least I’m not shoving a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese down my throat.

 

Image

Karma Is A Runt


Image

 

As most people know already, I have no patience. I have absolutely no patience for stupid people, for annoying people, or even for rainbows and butterflies. I especially do not have patience for the people who ask me for food while I am sitting peacefully enjoying my deliciousness. My food is my food people. Didn’t your Mommy pack you a lunch today? Ridiculous that I need to pack my delicious lunch for you to harass me while I eat it.

Backtrack like fifteen years when I was in elementary school. My mom packed me the best lunch ever that had Dunk-A-Roos , and everyone would sit by my desk and watch me eat them. Like people seriously. Enough already. At least ask me for a trade, and then maybe then I’ll consider. But if you just want a bite, I’m not giving it up so easy. However, looking back, I think it’s karma. When I was in grade 1, the teacher punished me for pressing the buttons on the computer in the library. She told me to stand outside in the corner. While I was standing outside, I noticed a lunchbox just sitting there with no ones name on it. I decided to be curious, and open this lunchbox. Rummaging through, I saw an apple, pudding, tomato sandwich (ew) and then  I saw RUNTS. You know those treatsy candies shaped like fruits and stain your tongue? Ya, those! I figured since this box of treats was just hanging out, with no name and no owner, that I would take the runts and eat them. Now that I think about it, it was ever since that day that people come and ask me for my food.

To the little girl or boy who those Runts belonged to. I am sorry, if you tell me who you are, I will buy you another box, just to make this nightmare of people asking me for bites to go away. Please accept my apologies.

I Need a Bib


Image

People tell me that I’m unable to keep my clothes clean. This is true, I must admit. I somehow happen to always stain the upper part of my shirt, you know, where the mammary glands are. I hope that makes sense, I went to use the thesaurus and wanted to use another word for boobies or teats, so I used mammary glands- hope this makes sense. Anyway, I can never manage to keep my clothes clean. I either stain the front of my shirt, or food falls into my shirt. For example when I got home from work yesterday and got dressed for bed, Genius got a nice snack when extra sunflower seeds came out of my shirt. (Was that inappropriate?)

I wish they made bibs for adults, so I wouldn’t feel so out of place. Is it normal that I need to wash my clothes only after one use?