The Blame Game


I think the hardest part of growing up, was being the odd child. I had a brother and a “sisterly friend” (her words, not mine) who both had the bodies of anorexic looking barbies. The two of them would be able to eat whatever they wanted, and Ronnie and Gordon gave the two of them snacks whenever they wanted.That is so unfair. When I wanted a snack, I’d get this stern NO, and maybe a carrot thrown in my face.

I don’t want to blame anyone for the reason why I am the way I am, however, the entire family; Ronnie, Gordon, Buffy and Ethel would hide food from me. They went so far as to hide whippets in Buffys safe in his bedroom. Needless to say, I broke in, and got all those whippets. I don’t even like those cookies, the marshmallows are gross. It was just for the thrill, and because they wanted to hide it from me, I wanted it more. When I was somewhere around 10 years old, my mom fought so hard to get me to not hit the hundred pound mark. (Right now I’d kill to weigh 100 pounds) I was seeing dieticians, going to Weight Watchers, doing sports which really didn’t interest me. Finally when I did hit 100 pounds, it all went downhill from there, (or shall I say uphill). I just kept eating. I’m still not sure if it was because I was bored or if it was because I wanted to play a fun activity like “unlock-the-food-safe”. I’m still figuring that one out.

Anyway, the lesson here is, don’t hide food from your kids, they’ll find it elsewhere, and gain an extra eighty pounds, and none of that weight gain would be from whippets left in the cupboard where they should be.

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A Note To Skinny Girls


Last week I was a little, very mean to the skinny girls. My apologies. Well not really, but I’ll say I am so you continue to read my hilarious blog. Anyway, I know skinny people have feelings too and it hurts their feelings when people make fun of their skininess, it’s the same for fat people. Except in elementary school you’re part of the cool crowd and no one makes fun of you for being the skinny kid who can’t run to first base in soccer baseball; only the fat kids who kick the ball in the opposite direction and can’t make it to first without being smacked by the ball get made fun of. So, because skinny girls were mean to me in school, it’s my turn to retaliate. If you don’t like it, I don’t care. Anyway, so this whole new “loose fitting” clothing is in style, and I was beginning to think that all these big names were making clothes for the fatty boombas plump girls. Anyway, these loose fitting shirts, fit me perfectly, and I’m starting a new trend. Skinny people have it so easy. Everything looks so good on them. Even if it’s too tight it looks good. I got yelled at when I tried to wear a belly shirt at twelve. What did I know? I thought it was cute