Honesty: I Gained Weight


I strongly believe that the only way you can truly fix mistakes, is by being honest. It’s quite obvious that something is wrong with me, as I went from blogging everyday, to blogging once every twelve days. I pretty much went into hiding because truthfully, I’m not happy. For the last couple of months, I’ve been in a sad, dark place  because I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I feel like I let my doctor down, like I left my family and friends down, and that I’ve let most importantly, myself down.

So, on that note, it’s time that I come clean. I gained weight. Not a ton, not anything huge, but to me, even a pound is huge. I put on eight pounds since July of last year. Obviously I haven’t been 100% because otherwise I would have been in a bikini by now. Literally, I would have been wearing bikinis everyday to work, even in this horrible winter weather. Honestly, I have no one to blame but myself. I obviously did this to myself. I figured I could hide it, and just keep it to myself, and no one would say anything to me about. It’s kind of funny actually, people don’t really need to say anything to me, just the glance, and the disappointment in their face is all I really need to know that I have screwed this thing up. When people look down at my stomach and say things like “Oh, how’s it going? How much do you weigh now?” or “I know 5 people who have had the surgery and they lost all their weight faster than you, I’m not sure why it’s not working for you”, I get it. I don’t need to be reminded.  I look in the mirror at myself everyday and know that I am fat, and I know that I have let everyone down.

The people that don’t want me to succeed and always have something negative to say about my weight loss, are going to love reading this, but the people that really matter, are going to support me, and love me and know how hard it was for me to say that I gained eight pounds. I think the more I say it, the more real it is, and the more of a wake up call it is for me to do something about this. This surgery is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I can’t screw this up like I’ve screwed up everything else. I literally have had my insides cut up and removed. People save up money and go into debt for surgeries like this. I’m just taking my time and eating things that I know I shouldn’t be eating. It’s so easy for me to tell other people what they should and shouldn’t eat, and then I go shove my face with mini eggs because they’re so damn delicious? Those damn mini eggs are going to kill me if I don’t just shove a carrot in my mouth and move on already!

So on a positive, and moving forward note, I actually wrote all my food down for two weeks, even the french fries, I wrote it all down. Everything was in my little Weight Watchers book, and just by logging my food, I was able to lose two pounds by my second weigh in at the doctors (2 weeks).  I’m so incredibly proud of myself, and I am making a promise to myself, and to the rest of the world; to everyone reading this and supporting me, and helping me, that I will take this seriously from this point on. I didn’t go through surgery, and intense pain to get fat again. This is not the life I want.

So now, I am officially up six pounds from my lowest weight last July. Instead of working on big goals, like saying I want to lose 40 pounds by May 1, I want to lose 7 pounds by my next doctors appointment, on April 28. I will take any and all positive encouragement I can get. Nasty comments and looks really don’t help me, in fact they only bring me down.

Here’s to being honest, and here’s to getting back to my adventure! 

 

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Mouse In The House


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Last night I really learned my lesson, when it comes to snacking that is. I recently moved into an apartment building, all by myself. Anyway, last night I’m sitting in bed, watching some housewives hate on each other, when I decide at 11:15 pm that I would like a light snack. I walk to the kitchen, open the lights, and notice two disgusting creatures hanging out in front of my microwave.

These little creatures are disgusting, creepy rodents, who eat my windex and makes holes in my wires. I immediately shriek at the top of my lungs as if I had just witnessed a murder. Let’s call them Moe, and Lester. Moe had dissapeared the second I screamed, and Lester was still there after the two second event had occurred. This disgusting rodent looks me in the eye, makes some disgusting mouse noise, and then decides to take off under my microwave. Standing there in awe, and wondering what he’s doing under my microwave, I witness this little pest slide down my wire, and slide right into my fridge, like he was that little sucker Stuart Little.

Not knowing what to do, I do what I’m best at. Start crying. Like Lester is going to know that he really upset me or something. I called Ronnie, she was sleeping. I called Donald, he was sleeping, and called up Margaret so have me stay on her couch. While I sincerely appreciated the gesture, I figured I did not want to leave my room in case that little rat decided to come back and haunt me and my freshly painted toes. I spent the entire night, wrapped in a blanket, like a California roll, with the lights on, and music blaring. I googled what scares mice, and I found that they hate loud noise, and lights. Google is my friend.

The moral of this way too long story, was that, snacking should never be done after 9:00 pm. I should have never gone to the fridge to go for my snack. However, probably best that I did. I guess I have that little runt mouse to thank after all.

A Word Worse Than Moist


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I cringe and grind my teeth the moment I hear someone use the word moist. There’s just something so gross and yucky about this word. Hard to imagine that there could be a word worse than moist, however, I think I got it… DIET. I hate it. Notice how the inventor of the word secretly put the word “die” in there? It’s torture. Like actually. Diets deprive you of food, make you unhappy, make you lose friends, because you can’t go to movies and eat fat people popcorn, or go out for fun greasy meals at 3:00am.  Diets all do the same thing…at the end, all lead to the same result… a big fat failure. As a person who loves food, it becomes hard to diet after every twenty pounds you put on. Instead of going to the gym I just want to try out this new all you can eat sushi place, or go see the newest movie with buttery popcorn (and now they give you these toppings for free, yummy) Anyway, that summer when I went away to fat camp, I kept telling myself the same thing over and over again “Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels” I will stick by that.