So, Donald and I decided that it was finally the right time to take a vacation. While some may argue that my time off from work after my recent surgery counted as a vacation (seriously, if you think that, then you are a sad individual in desperate need of a hobby) I believe that this is something I really need! Anyway, so while looking for a vacation, my first one since July of last year, I’m thinking to myself, “what would a skinnier person want to do?” Beaches are fun and all, and an Alaskan cruise can be fun….but the last time I went to Las Vegas, I was a whale. I wanted to experience Vegas a little bit of a skinnier weight.
After booking our trip, it has now come to my attention that I am not a prostitute looking model, and I don’t think I’m ready for Vegas just yet. To try and fit in, I decided to buy myself one of those high waisted bikinis; oh my goodness, TRAINWRECK. Well, Ronnie says I look good from the waist up, and I would have to agree. From waist down though, I look like I’m wearing one of those crossfit tires I need to flip over a thousand times over. Anyway, so now I have decisions to make, monokini, bikini (haha), tankini (obviously) or just a plain mommy looking speedo bathingsuit!
Help! Suggestions! Vegas in 5 days… I’m stuck in such a large floating pickle right now!
Vacations are so much fun. Vacations are especially fun when you get to lather yourself in oil, wear a skimpy bikini, and people watch all the “others” in their swim attire. I have never gotten to experience this type of vacation experience, I have always been the one people looked at with that funny gaze through their ten times too big sunglasses. Two years ago I went to Las Vegas. My mom told me not to go because she said that by being a fat girl, I won’t have as much fun as all the other skinny girls. I mean, I understand now what she meant by that. I spent my entire days from 8-4 hiding behind a tree getting the best sun. While I thought I was getting amazing sun, the truth was, I was hiding my tankini body from the rest of the world because I was embarassed. Everywhere I looked there were skinny girls, and gross looking men. But not like your usual skinny girls, those ultra platinum blonde, boney, gross looking ones. Really unattractive. Since 45 pounds are gone forever off my body, I feel like I should go to the beach again, and truly get to enjoy myself. So what if I don’t look like those models, at least I know I look amazing.
So, any suggestions for my next vacation?
I guess starting this new journey in my life is kind of scary for all sorts of reason. What will happen when they cut me open, what will happen if it doesn’t work. My biggest fear at this moment is, how to I be a normal person? What is normal? Every summer my entire life, I’ve spent wearing tummy-taming bubby bathing suits, and moomoos to cover me up from sparing the world from seeing what I’ve got hidden under my long drape-like clothes. I guess I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to wear a bikini. I want the tan lines, and to feel like the rest of the world. So, I settled for what the fat girls need to settle for when they want to feel cool and want something ending in “kini”– I purchased a tankini When Donald Chow and I first went to Vegas in 2011, he kept laughing, and laughing at the word TANKINI. Who wears a tankini? These were the ugliest things I have ever owned and I don’t think I’ve ever been more uncomfortable. To this day, we still talk about that crazy tankini I wore.
What do normal people wear? What do normal people eat? What do normal people say? I’m 25 years old, and still have the maturity level of a twelve year old (According to Mommy Dearest) . Will that leave me, along with the 80+ pounds I need to lose? Will I change? I’m a funny person. I don’t want to lose my sense of humor. Maybe people find me funny because I’m bigger than everyone else, and louder etc.
I’ve got two weeks to start counting down until I’m lying in that hospital bed. I have been waiting my entire life to feel “normal”. I hope I will still be me. I’ll make my own kind of normal.